I just got the call from my nurse, beta #3 is 2064! (At 20 DPO last time my beta was 374) They've scheduled my ultrasound for Friday, June 4th which will be 6w3d - exactly where I was when I had my m/c last time. Kind of freaky but I'm trying to think of it as a chance to get good news that day. I guess if we get bad news, the day is bad anyway so....
I know I need to stop comparing this time to the last but I'm having a hard time with that. I just can't seem to connect my heart to the fact that I'm pregnant. My head gets it, I'm doing all the right things, but I just don't feel the way I thought I would. Disconnected is the probably the best way to describe it, or maybe just 'off'. I hate feeling like this, it makes me feel guilty. I'm really hoping once I see our bean I'll start feeling more confident. Right now I'm just too afraid something is going to go wrong again to let myself be truly happy the way I should be.
I'm a total freak show! It's still so early so I'll just try to fake it 'til I make it.... :)
Wow! ((Hugs)) Keep faking it - You'll make it!
ReplyDeleteFake it til you make it has been my motto for a long long time, and it actually works a lot of the time! I feel confident you'll be making it for real in no time!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations - you have some awesome numbers!!!! It is so hard to not compare it to last time, but every day, hopefully it will get better. And I love faking it till I make it - it usually works!
ReplyDeleteYay for the awesome beta!!
ReplyDeleteI know it must be hard to feel confident about this -- i couldn't do it until the u/s and I don't have your background. Fake it until you make it and we're pulling for you! I'm so excited for your u/s next week!
WOOO-HOOO for a great beta #3! You are not a freak show for feeling disconnected...it's so hard to wrap your brain around it after suffering a loss and TTC for so long. For me each milestone (1st u/s, NT scan, anatomy scan, etc.) made it more real. After the 1st u/s when I saw that flicker I was instantly into it. Hopefully you will be too =)
ReplyDeleteI"m so hopeful that this ultrasound will be awesome!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on a wonderful beta #3. I am thinking lots of +++ thoughts for your u/s!! I hope that the next 10 days go by fast for you!!
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