Last year the holidays were rough for me. All I seemed to be able to focus on was the upcoming 1 year anniversary of our m/c in January and the two year anniversary of TTC the next month. Not to mention another holiday season with no little one joining the family. I had a full blown meltdown on New Year's Eve last year, especially after watching the parade of pregnant women walk by me at dinner, remembering that I'd been pregnant the previous NYE but still had no baby. The stress of the season almost put me over the edge, but somehow I made it through.
Obviously things are different this year (and for that I'm unbelievably grateful) but I haven't forgotten those feelings from last year and especially haven't forgotten those who are going to go through it again this year. The hurt has faded a bit for me but it's certainly not gone. I wish I could take away the pain so many of you are feeling right now. I don't know if my miracle offers hope or just sort of breaks your heart (maybe a little of both...). I hope with everything I have that this is the last holiday season any of you have to spend wondering when it's going to be your turn.
This year I have different worries. How soon will she be here? Will I have things ready? Who will she look like? Will she have Hub's big noggin? What will the birth experience be like? Then of course there's the big one: Is she going to be healthy? Most are smaller worries somehow and things that will only be worries for the next couple of months but her health is really what I'm focused on this holiday season. That's what's weighing on me this year.... I'll take any amount of suffering for me if she'll just be healthy. Just like all you would for a healthy baby as well. I hope it comes true for all of us!
It's hard to let go of that hurt, really.
ReplyDeleteSending lots of positive thoughts for you and your little girl!! I really am so excited for you.
A year can make a difference! I am so happy for you that you are in the home stretch now! IF will always be a part of us... When you have your little girl in your arms, it will fade a little more. And your worrying is very normal. The worrying never ends! Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteOh Mel, I know how hard it is to let go of the pain and how difficult the last part of pregnancy can be with all the anxious excitement. Each of us has our own path but for me the bitterness and pain washed away with each cuddle of my baby and by the time she was a week old I felt like the entire journey was worth it. That is my wish for you - along with a perfectly healthy baby of course. I know it's hard not to be stressed about that but try as hard as you can to enjoy this final time of pregnancy. I missed it the minute it was over.
ReplyDeleteI echo you hopes for our sisters in the TTC trenches. We know all to well how painful holidays can be =(
Thanks for still thinking of those of us still waiting, one way or another. The pain of the holidays can truly suck, and I said to DH the other day I still can't believe we're putting out two stockings again, six years into this madness.
ReplyDeleteI wish for you an easy last few weeks and a healthy beautiful perfect baby!
i know it's terrible to say this, but when i was younger all i wanted was a pretty baby. now i'd give an arm and a leg to have a healthy one.
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