Broken Eggs, Broken Dreams

Long Overdue Updates

2011-11-30T14:46:00.001-06:00

Sorry I've been so absent my friends, we've had a lot going on here so I'll do my best to catch you all up.

Things with the little one are great, she's growing like a weed and soon we won't be able to call her the little one anymore. At her 9 month appointment she was 18.5 lbs but I'm guessing she's added a few more since then. She was up to the 50th percentile in weight (up from around 5th percentile) and was 75th in height. I bought tons of 6-12 month clothes thinking she'd be in them for ages as she's been so slow to grow out of things so far but of course she is already outgrowing them and I've already had to buy some 12-18 month stuff. Hardly a hardship to have to buy her more cute clothes but definitely a surprise given her albeit short history.

As I'm sure you all have guessed, she's a great eater and so far (knocking in wood) she will eat anything we give her. We've started giving her some of what we eat and she has yet to turn anything down. She especially seems to love meat, sorry to all of my vegetarian friends but I guess she's a true Midwestern girl.... On thanksgiving we gave her mashed potatoes first and she didn't care one way or the other about them but once she discovered that turkey she was thrilled.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, we had the whole family to our house which might seems daunting since it was over 20 people but it was actually great because we got to see everyone and more importantly they got to see Peanut, and we didn't have to go all over to do it. The weather was spectacular, sunny and in the 60s so people actually sat out on the deck and enjoyed some fresh air after dinner. Lils was pretty good about letting people hold her after she warmed up to them. She's going through a bit of a separation anxiety phase so it took a bit. She loves Hubby's uncle Bob though and happily stayed with him while she warmed up to everyone else. She really fought her afternoon nap (happily though) so she didn't crash out until after four then slept until Hubs got her up around 6:30 so it was a long night for mom and dad but worth it because she had such a great time.

Now for some pictures:

My Halloween Monkey

Rah Mizzou!

Happy Turkey Day!!

Not as great of an update on me so I'll try to keep it short. We, very surprisingly, found out we were pregnant in October. As shocked as we were, we were absolutely thrilled because we never expected to be able to give Peanut a sibling. My beta levels were perfect so we allowed ourselves to think this was really going to happen. We went in for our first u/s at almost 8 weeks and found out the baby was measuring around 6 weeks 2 days. They gave us the old since you only had one AF we can't know for sure how far along you are so we will do another u/s in a week and should see a heartbeat then. But after tracking everything my body did for those years of TTC I knew exactly how far along I should be. Needless to say, things were the same at the next u/s so she gave me some meds to help me m/c. Unfortunately those did nothing but give me tons of side effects so I ended up having to have a D.&.C. in mid November. The hardest part is that we had come to terms with just having our sweet girl but now the thought of her as a big sis is in our heads and it breaks my heart that we lost her sibling. Still this m/c, while still unbelievably heart breaking, wasn't quite as bad as the first since at least we have our precious girl to focus on.

Sorry to end on such a depressing note but I needed to get it out. Thanks to all who stuck around during my long absence, hope you understand why now....

She's Gone

2011-10-20T12:43:00.000-05:00

I want to thank those of you who reached out to me in the last week about Big! Unfortunately she lost her battle last Friday. Needless to say we're just crushed and it's very hard to write this post - which is why the delay.... Little is sort of lost without her best bud / pack leader but we are getting by the best we can.

Thanks again for all of the positive thoughts for our sweet girl, they helped me if nothing else.

Challenges

2011-10-09T11:24:00.000-05:00

We've have a rough week (okay, really a few weeks) at the Broken Egg household. It all started a few weeks ago when Big, our big lab mix, stopped eating her dog food. We tried canned dog food, chicken, then hamburger,then steak, even meat product baby food. She would eat each thing once or twice then stop. We went through several iterations of vet appointments, first blood work, then an aspiration of her lymph node, then surgery to remove one of her lymph nodes so they could biopsy it - that was last Wednesday.

On Monday I took her back to the vet because she had some swelling in the leg that had the lymph node removed. The swelling was normal but we got the results of the biopsy then d she has lymphoma. Not good but it was supposed to be a slow growing kind (small cell). Later that night she threw up a couple of times then acted like she need to go out. She was a bit off kilter but I didn't think too much of it until she fell all the way down the stairs (she was okay) then had some trouble getting outside. When I let her out the next day I realized that she had lost her sight completely. Another trip to the vet who said it was most likely a side effect of the lymphoma. On Wednesday we met with the oncologist, long story short we have about a 50/50 shot at remission with Chemo. She also saw the opthamologist there who gave us some other meds to try. Thursday was our first Chemo treatment and she was back at the opthamologist on Friday just to round out a full week of vet visits.

She seems to be reacting well to the Chemo, we were told that dogs react better to it than people and that seems to be the case so far. She's still blind which doesn't bode well for her ever regaining her sight, but we can deal with a blind dog as long as she's alive.... We'll be going back pretty much weekly for treatment and they'll evaluate her each time to see if it's working at all.

So, we're hanging in there the best we can - trying to make our girl feel better. She is eating again, most likely thanks to the Prednisone but we are thankful for that not so small improvement. I'm not entirely sure how we've ended up with three dogs in a row with cancer but Big's is definitely the worst we've seen (the others had tumors that were easily removed and the cancer never returned). Little is pretty good, she seems to know something is wrong but she really wants to play I think.

Thanks for any positive thoughts you can spare for Big!

6 Months Old!

2011-08-09T12:38:00.000-05:00

Okay so really by this point she's 6 and a half months but I'm a slacker so take it with a grain of salt. I'm having such a hard time believing that my little girl is already half way through her first year. I know every parent says it but it's just going so fast, I want time to move more slowly so I can spend more of it with my baby girl while she's still a baby!

She did very well at her six month checkup, rallied quickly after her shots. Her weight is up to the 25th percentile at 14 lbs 7.5 oz so we're very happy with that!! She's still a tiny peanut but at least she's back on the growth chart.... : ) We're still nursing and supplementing with 3 oz bottles between (usually 2 oz bm and 1 oz of formula) and we do an 8 ounce bottle before bedtime to tide us over. Since her checkup we were able to add solid foods and let me tell you - she's a fan!! She looks like a baby bird with her mouth wide open and leaning forward to get the spoon into her mouth sooner. (She was a bit hesitant the first time though and it was pretty funny, I'll include the pic at the bottom.) So far she's had rice cereal and sweet potatoes, love the cereal and seems to be warming up to the sweet potatoes. I think we're going to try either roasted butternut squash or sweet peas next, any thoughts there? We're doing the Sprout organic pouches for now, maybe once I figure out what she likes best I'll make my own.... Ha!

The birthday party with her cousins was so much fun, despite all the babies having to take naps throughout. She had a bit of a meltdown during 'formal' picture time (first with the full family then again with hubs and me) but the guy got some great candid shots of her that I just love! She was just fascinated with her cousins. I think I need to start thinking about arranging some play dates since she seems to like other babies so much.

She's sitting up on her own like a champ and loves to be surrounded with lots of different toys so she can pick which one she wants at any given time. She's not crawling or anything yet but will wiggle up you when she's laying on us if she wants to be up higher. We've started doing a lot more floor time to see if she wants to starting moving but we're in NO hurry for that! The longer we can go without her being mobile the easier it is on us that's for sure.... : )

Work has been a challenge, my new (as of this year) boss is pretty tough and I've had to travel more than I'd like but it is what it is. Fortunately so far we've been able to make sure Hubs is home when I'm gone and our family has pitched in when we're flying in/out at the same time. Hubby's schedule is going to be really crazy for the rest of the month and starting next week he'll only be home for 3-4 days until September. Looks like it will be all estrogen all the time in our house for a while!

Guess that's it for now. Sorry we're not too exciting but I'm good with steady as she goes! Here are a few pics of our little peanut for you to enjoy.

Input Requested

2011-06-27T21:27:00.001-05:00

This weekend is the little one's first professional 'photo shoot'. Hubs' parents are having a party to celebrate (early) the twins' first birthday and the Fourth of July so all of the babies (BIL's twins and SIL's son who's nine days older than Lily) will be in town. Naturally that requires a professional photographer.... : ) Unfortunately for us, and possibly everyone, we're scheduled for pictures during Peanut's morning nap. I'm hoping to get her down early but if anyone has any ideas of how to handle potentially missing naptime then having to do photos I'd love advice!

Our family unit is assigned to wear white on top, khakis or jeans on the bottom. This includes grandma, grandpa, BILs, SILs and the babies. Others (aunts/uncles/cousins units) will pick a color for their time with the photog as well. Can you tell MIL is all about this? So keeping the white thing in mind I have a couple of dresses and one jumper for the little one and I need your input on your favorite. I might end up doing one outfit with the 'white' family unit and another with just Hubs and I but I'm still looking for opinions. I took some pictures of her in them this afternoon, which do you like best - the outfit, not the pic : ) ?

Sorry I'm an Insensitve Boob!

2011-06-27T20:25:00.000-05:00

Pun intended.

So the first thing I have to say to that I'm sorry I was so insensitive in my last post, saying that I hope I don't have to switch to formula. Not so much sorry to formula users because hopefully I made it clear that I don't think there's anything wrong with formula, I was just hoping to continue to do breastmilk exclusively. I really want to apologize to those who are still waiting on their BFPs or waiting to be matched with or to be able to bring home their babies because let's face it - my 'issue' is tiny and stupid compared to all of those things! It was mostly just a matter of pride for me and it was insensitive of me to get worked up over something so minor!

For the record our little peanut jumped 1 lb, 2 oz over three weeks (to 11 lbs, 11.5 oz at a week shy of 5 months) so the pedi was pretty happy with that. They wanted me to give her a supplemental bottle after pretty much every meal now, was doing every other meal, to increase her growth even more but said we seem to be doing fine on just breastmilk. The irony of that is that we still ended up needing to supplement when I went out of town for a day and a half the next week. I was able to pump enough to do at least a 50/50 mixture breastmilk and formula in all her bottles while I was gone. I'm still adding some formula to her larger going to bed supplemental bottle because I just can't keep up with nursing her all day PLUS pumping 10-14 ounces for her bottle and I have no problem with that.... My boobs just can't spend any more time attached to things! :)

I'm really looking forward to her 6 month visit (aside from the shots!) because the pedi will let us start 'solid' foods then. Our pedi starts a lot later than most seem to, they like babies to be 14 (or 16, I can't seem to remember) pounds or 6 months before they start and since our peanut is so tiny looks like we'll be waiting another few weeks.

Overall I can't complain though, she's a GREAT baby and I'm so very lucky! She's pretty even tempered and really only fusses if she's hungry or tired and even then it's usually minimal fussing. Most nights she's pretty easy to get to sleep, just wants some cuddling for a bit until she dozes off then she goes to her crib. She's not perfect though, we do have occasional meltdowns and some nights where she would much rather stay up and hang out with us instead of going to bed. She doesn't always dig her new, earlier bedtime. There are some stories that her mommy was the same way.... :) She still loves to watch baseball, either on TV or at the stadium. She's also started interacting more with her Jumparoo, probably because both of her feet (okay toes) finally touch the ground.

Ok, enough bragging on the little miss and on to the photos:

It's tough to wake up!

Always hamming it for the camera.

Best friend, Sophie the Giraffe

Teeny Tiny

2011-06-07T15:56:00.000-05:00

That's my girl, she's still an itty bitty little thing. So little in fact that I've been having to add several bottles of pumped milk a day to try to get some more weight on her. She was 10 lb, 9 oz at her 4 month appointment (almost three weeks ago) and she goes back on Friday for another weight check. If she's not gaining more rapidly then it looks like we're going to have to add formula to the mix. Not ideal (at least not what I was hoping to do, certainly NOT judging formula use!) but I'll do whatever it takes to bulk her up. I think she's definitely put on weight since her last visit, she's starting to get more chubby cheeks and even her legs are plumping up a bit.

As far as milestones go she's right on schedule, even a bit ahead on some things. She rolls over from tummy to back and is so close to being able to do back to tummy too. She loves to sit up and needs very little support from us and loves even more to stand, with us supporting at least her hands. We got her a Bumbo seat to let her sit on her own and a Jumparoo (though her feet barely graze the ground so there's not a lot of jumping yet). No teeth in sight yet but she drools like a champ and loves to chew on things - especially Sophie the Giraffe! She also thinks it's very cool to hold her own bottle and does a pretty great job about it but still needs a bit of help to hold it up high enough to get the good stuff sometimes.

Now on to important things like apologies for not being a very good blog friend. I don't really have an excuse for not posting here, other than slacking to spend time with our Peanut and guilt for writing all about her all the time.... As far as slacking on commenting, Blogger is making things very challenging for me. It won't let me log in to my Google ID so I can't seem to comment on several blogs (sorry Rebecca and R., I am reading and try over and over to send you my support but it doesn't let me). On others I can comment Anonymously and try to sign my name to those and still others seem to work fine. It seems very arbitrary as far as which work correctly and which don't work at all. (I've been trying to tell Rebecca that we don't have the cicadas (yet?) which seems odd given we're in the same state but I can't do it on her blog so I'm doing it here.... :) )

In closing, I'm going to try to do much better but I know better than to promise. I'll also close with some newer pics of Lily!

15 Weeks - and back online...

2011-05-05T13:44:00.000-05:00

I'm so sorry I've been so absent, not just in posting (because let's face it - I'm not that interesting so I doubt you miss me) but especially in reading and commenting on your blogs! Hopefully you'll forgive me as I catch up with you.

My excuse is that I started back to work on April 18th so prior to that I was working on childcare (I'll post on that later) and since then I've been trying to catch up at work. It's crazy how time gets away from me now, but of course it's all worth it.

I also had my first work trip out of town last week. Fortunately Hubs was able to stay in town so I could feel a bit less guilty - but only a bit.... The first night away was so hard for me, it just broke my heart to not be able to do the bedtime routine with my girl. Daddy did a great job with her though. I had barely enough breastmilk frozen to make it through until I got home and I ended up having to nurse her when I got home at 3 am but we did make it.

We're still exclusively on breastmilk and I'm thrilled that we've made it so far. She has no problem taking milk from a bottle then switching back to the breast, probably because of the nipple shield.

Baby girl is 15 weeks old today, again I can't believe how quickly time is flying. I'm so not ready for her to be so grown up, though she's still a tiny little thing. She was at 9 lbs, 7 oz at her 3 month checkup. She's started nursing longer lately so hopefully she'll be up more for her 4 month appointment. She's just the happiest baby though and such a great sleeper that I can't believe how lucky I am. She's usually asleep for the night around 10:30 or so and up for breakfast between 5 and 6 am. She likes to try to sit up on her own now but isn't all that successful yet without at least a tiny bit of steadying from us. She also loves to push herself up to standing. She's got a couple of favorite toys including a taggies block (with a 'mirror' on it) and Sophie the Giraffe, both are great to chew on in her eyes. No tooth buds yet and she hasn't rolled over but she might be getting close on that given how she flails during tummy time - which is not her favorite thing.... :)

Of course I can't sign off without a few pics of our little cutie!

First Baseball Game!

2011-04-06T12:04:00.000-05:00

If you've been following for a while you're probably aware both hubs and I are huge sports fans and have season tickets to both football and baseball (though only 1/4 season of baseball, which is still 21 games...). So I'm sure it's no surprise that we'd like Peanut to be a fan as well. She got to go to her first game (at least her first one not in utero) on Sunday. We had a real challenge finding her a team onesie in her size so she ended up wearing a 3-6 month, entirely too big but she didn't care. The weather was really warm (up to 91!) but it was super windy too so it wasn't too hot since our seats are in the shade. Hubs figured she'd only make it through three innings or so but I had more faith in her. She pretty much slept through most of the game and we ended up staying about eight innings. The game went thirteen so I'm glad we left when we did. Hubs got a scorecard and kept the official score to keep in her scrapbook, so sweet! She won't be joining us for all the games but we have quite a few day games on Sundays, which are family oriented at the stadium, so she'll get to go to the ballpark quite a bit this summer - yay!

Here's a pic of her first game and some other random cuteness:

2 Month Update

2011-03-21T20:51:00.000-05:00

Our little peanut turned two months yesterday and to celebrate she had to get her vaccines this morning.... : ( Poor little thing, she did not like the needles at all! I've never heard her scream like that and sure hope I don't have to again, though I suspect I will in two months when she gets her next round of shots. She also got her first fever from them and as a result also got her first Tylenol. Overall it was definitely a day of firsts (including our first dr visit without Hubs since he's back to his Monday-Thursday routine).

She's still a tiny little thing, she only put on a pound over the last month which put her at 8 lbs, 7 ozs today. She also grew an inch. The ped's offices doesn't seem too worried about her slow growth. The only thing they're having us do differently is having her come in sometime between 2-4 weeks to get her weight checked again to make sure she's not losing weight instead of waiting until her next appointment at four months. I'm going to see if I can sneak in another nursing session at least once a day to see if that helps but she's eating well and getting the right number of wet and dirty diapers so I'm trying not to stress about it too much. Other than that she's meeting all of her milestones. In fact she's a couple of weeks ahead according to the nurse.

Peanut had a big weekend and got to see all her grandparents. My family came over on Thursday for our traditional St. Pat's/Mom's birthday dinner of corned beef and cabbage. On Friday Hub's dad & step-mom had a small family gathering and our girl was quite the hit! On Sunday Hub's mom & step-dad came over to drop off Hub's birthday card and some cake and of course to see the grandbaby. She would probably have been wiped out today even without the shots! My parents are coming up this weekend so we can go out Saturday night for Hub's birthday (which is Thursday). I might not need more family time for the next month! : )

Guess that's it for now, I'll wrap up with a few pictures of our girl....

Happy Blog Anniversary to Me!

2011-03-09T12:29:00.000-06:00

I'm a bit slow on the draw with this (becoming the norm for me) but I wanted to write a quick post to celebrate one year of blogging for me. I can't really believe how much has changed in a year, almost all for the better in my case - I wish that was the case for all of you too....

Last year at this time I was just past my two year TTC anniversary and reaching my boiling point as far as stress level. I'd been following several of your blogs for a while and decided it was time to let off some steam in my own blog. I don't think I realized not only how much it would help me but especially how much so many of you would come to mean to me. Your unconditional support means the world to me, especially because I know how difficult it was for some of you.

I wish everyday for your BFP or for your adoptions to come through! Until then I'll be the best cheerleader I can be for you because you've been amazing to me!! Thank you from the bottom of my overflowing heart!

Blood Type and Infertility

2011-03-02T11:42:00.000-06:00

Maybe I'm just a bit behind the times on all things IF since I was so lucky but I recently read an article that I found very interesting. Apparently there has been a study that links blood type O to fertility problems, specifically diminished ovarian reserve. The reason this was so interesting to me is because I have both type O blood and DOR.... Though I didn't even know my blood type until I had my initial prenatal tests run.

One of the things the article recommends is not just relying on your FSH number but also getting your AMH tested if you have reason to be concerned. Some of you who have been friends and followers for quite a while might remember my AMH results - and my reaction to the news. But I am glad I got it tested because it gave me a huge kick in the pants to be more aggressive with the meds on my last IUI before I moved on IVF - and that IUI gave me Lily. I guess the moral of the story is if you have a DOR diagnosis, don't give up hope! But it certainly helped me to be aware and be aggressive - I hope it helps you too....

One Month Update

2011-02-21T13:21:00.000-06:00

I can't believe my little one is one month old already.... It makes me kind of sad that things are moving so quickly, I want her to be a sweet little baby as long as she can. She is a sweet little thing too, we're so very lucky. She only has the occasional fussy period but most of the time she's so good. She loves to hang out in her swing and watch the mobile twirl above her (she's doing that right now). She also likes to walk around with us bouncing her in our arms. She started smiling within the last week and it just melts our hearts, we really want to capture it in a picture but she's not that cooperative yet.

Before I get into some of the details I promised last time I'll update you on Lily's progress. We had our one month checkup on Friday and she's up to 7 lbs 7 oz now. She still in the 10th percentile for weight but she's growing and the doctor is very happy with her progress. She's also still 10th percentile in head size and still 75th in length. I'm not sure where the long and skinny came from. She's also right on target with her milestones like smiling and staring at faces, etc. All in all it was a good checkup and she's doing as well as we could ask for so no complaints there. Next month she starts her immunizations, not looking forward to that!

We've improved a lot in the breastfeeding department, she's quite the champ now! I won't lie though, it did not start out well.... Her mouth is too small to latch well so we have to use a nipple shield, which isn't ideal but it's what works for us so we're going with it. I had bleeding blisters on both nipples while in the hospital so it's much better that going through that again. We got convinced by the nurses in the hospital to supplement with formula at first but I'm honestly not sure it was really necessary. We had a really bad lactation consultant the first time, she was not helpful at all and we ended up being really frustrated so we gave in and gave her some formula. The morning we left the hospital we had a different LC and she was so great. She was the one who gave us the nipple shield and was much more helpful. As hubby put it, the first LC was wishy-washy and timid which is not what someone like me needs - that just pisses me off and frustrates me (especially when I'm already hormonal and feeling bad about how things were going). The second LC was to the point and very helpful and we responded much better to that. I am so thankful there are so many of you who have shared your challenges with breastfeeding or I would have felt so alone and like such a failure and I would have given up in the first few days or during her three week growth spurt. So thank you to everyone who was honest and told us how hard this is, that you also had to supplement or that it just didn't work out the way you had hoped. You're my mentors and have helped us through our struggles so far!

The dogs have responded better than we could have hoped. Big loves to look at the baby and she actually wags her tail when she's around the baby (yes, I do realize how weird it is that a lab doesn't wag her tail normally...). Little is pretty calm around her which is great, we were a little worried about that since she's so 'enthusiastic' normally. When the baby starts crying she just looks at us like - are you going to shut that thing up? It's pretty funny!

Hubby and I had our first night out alone since Lily was born. We went out to dinner while Hubs' dad and step-mom watched her. They have tons of very recent experience with babies since they've spent so much time with the twins and with our nephew (who is nine days older than Lily) so I really didn't worry about her while we were out, but I was still ready to go home and see her after dinner....

Hubs has been working from home the last two weeks but leaves tomorrow to start traveling again so it will just be Lily and me until he gets home around midnight Thursday/Friday. Wish us luck on our first night without daddy around. He's already recruited my parents to come in town and 'drop by' on Wednesday. At first I was kind of pissed at him for making the arrangements but I know he was just trying to help and now I'll be able to get some grocery shopping done this week.... I'm not looking forward to having the Hubs gone but it's something I have to get used to since it's his job. I haven't really had any baby blues yet, very lucky about that too, but I'm kind of worried this might trigger it. I LOVE spending so much time with the baby but I'm really going to miss having him here, especially since I'm so used to it since he's been home since Christmas.

Okay, someone's got her fussy pants on so I'll just leave you with a picture of our sweetness!

Lily's Birth Story

2011-01-25T17:13:00.000-06:00

This is going to be a very long post so consider yourself warned. I tried to document things as I went once I got to the hospital so I wouldn't forget. I figured it would be a long, hard process (especially since the pregnancy went so well) and I knew I wouldn't remember things after she was born. This documentation is as much for me in the future as it is to share with you so that's why all the details.... Feel free to skim or skip through to the parts that interest you.

We were scheduled to check in at the hospital at 7:30 pm on Wednesday, January 19th. Mother Nature decided it would be a great time to dump about 8 inches of snow on us so we left the house around 5 pm so we would have time to drop the pups at 'camp' and grab something to eat before going to the hospital. A normally 20 minute trip to doggie camp took us about an hour, fortunately we took back roads because the highway was closer to a parking lot and would have taken even longer. After dropping the girls off we headed toward the hospital (which was very close) to get something to eat. There is a large shopping area right across the street from the hospital so we thought we'd have a lot of options. Turns out almost everything was closed early due to the storm so we ended up at Pan.era. Soup definitely hit the spot in that weather though....

Below are a couple of pictures we took right before leaving for the hospital (finally a belly shot... :).

After eating we went to the hospital to check in with Labor and Delivery. Turns out the lobby where we were supposed to check in was also closed and the volunteers that usually guide you around had been sent home too. Eventually we found where we were supposed to be and got checked in and shown to our room. The birthing suites at this hospital are amazing! You stay in the same room from the time you check in, through the birth until it's time to move to the postpartum room. We were lucky enough to be able to stay in our suite for an extra night because the postpartum area was full. It was great to have such a huge room when family visited because they all tended to show up in groups of five or more at a time....

Once we were settled in our room the nurse put an IV in my wrist and just locked it so I wasn't attached to the IV pole that night. She did a great job and got it right on the first try but it hurt a lot because the giant needle was right on my wrist bone. I'm still a bit bruiesd on my wrist. At 9 pm the nurse inserted the Cerva.dil and ordered me to stay in bed for the next two hours to let the meds do their thing. The nurse called the 'applicator' of the med similar to a flat tampon but I'd more liken it to someone shoving some dry sandpaper up your hoo-ha, it was painful! Once it was in there it was fine but it was so dry and stiff going in it was not fun. After resting for a couple of hours I got up and had a snack and something to drink. Around the same time I took the Am.bien the doctor prescribed for me so I could get some sleep. I think I fell asleep sometime around 11:30.

I woke up around 4 am and couldn't seem to get back to sleep, way too anxious and excited. At 5 am the nurse came in and removed the Cerva.dil then at 5:15 my OB came in and broke my water. At that check I was having contractions every 2-3 min, was 1 cm dialated and the baby was at -2 station. I figured at that point I was in for a long day! The nurse came in and hooked up the Pito.cin around 6:20 am. At my 7:30 am check I was 2 cm dialated and having much stronger contractions. The anesthesiologist came in around 9 am and gave me my epidural. She was great, I only felt a sharp pinch in my back and the meds took affect pretty quickly from there. It wasn't perfect however, I experienced a big drop in blood pressure and almost passed out (or did according to Hubs and he'd know bettter than me I guess). The nurses were very concerned and called the doctor back in who gave me some epiniphren in my IV. Once that was in I was none the worse for wear. After the epidural took affect I was so much more relaxed and way happier. More power to those who chose to have a natural childbirth experience but for my money the epidural was the best, even with the 'glitch'. Hooray drugs! : ) They checked me again at 9:45 and I was 6 cm, guess the epidural really did relax me!

Around 10:30 or 10:45 am we let visitors in the room with us. My parents, Hub's mom and step-dad and one of his uncles stopped by to check on us. I was in a pretty good mood because I was feeling no pain after the epidural so I was even able to joke around a bit. At 11 am the nurse came in to check me again so the family stepped out but left their stuff in the room because we figured it would still be a while. Turns out I was already at 9 cm so while the nurse went to call the OB, Hubs basically told the family to come back and get their stuff and get out because we were having a baby. I told them to take their time and go get some lunch because it would probably be a while.

The OB showed up within the next five or ten minutes and the pushing began. I pushed a couple of times then the baby's heartrate dropped so they put some oxygen on me. The cord ended up being wrapped around the baby's neck but the doctor calmly took control of the situation and got the cord out of the way. After another push or two they determined that she was facing the side and the doctor needed to turn her. I sustained a first degree tear during that process but didn't know that until I was being sewn up afterward. All it took after that was a couple more pushes and Lily joined us at 11:33 am.

Hubby was so great through everything, encouraging and supportive. He was a fantastic coach and is just amazing with Lily. I truly can't believe how lucky I was, overall it was a great birth experience. It was fast, there was no pain and everyone came out healthy! We had some family bonding time with just the three of us then surprised the rest of the family by telling them she was already here.

I'll describe the rest (naming, recovery, breast-feeding, etc.) in another post. Without further ado, here is our little bundle of joy....

We're Home

2011-01-23T10:05:00.001-06:00

I just wanted to post quickly to let you know that we're home and doing well.

Lil.y Kathe.rine was born at 11:33 am on January 20th weighing 6 lbs, 9 oz and measuring 19.5 inches.

I'll post pictures and our birth story very soon. Thank you all so much for thinking of us over the last few days! Everything is great!!

We have a Birthdate!

2011-01-13T11:59:00.000-06:00

At my OB visit today we set things in motion to get to meet our little one. Their practice does not allow AMA moms to go to/past 40 weeks due to potential health risks so we set our induction date while I was there. I'm going in to the hospital next Wednesday night to begin cervical ripening (using Cervidil) and they'll start the induction (Pitocin) early Thursday morning. So unless I go into labor between now and then our baby's birthday will be one week from today on January 20th.

Honestly I'm really hoping she decides to show on her own because induction is the one thing I didn't want to have to do but since my cervix is soft but not at all dialated yet it doesn't look like I'll be able to avoid it. It is good to have a plan in place though, at least this way we'll know when to schedule 'camp' for the dogs and let our family know when we'll be in the hospital. Don't know if that's going to outweigh the pain I've heard accompanies induction but it is what it is.

I'm welcoming any and all advice for things I need to take care of in the next week, helpful tips for labor, first week home, etc!

38 Week Update

2011-01-11T17:03:00.001-06:00

I haven't done one of these for several weeks so I thought I'd update my 'list'. Before that though I'll update on Little, it appears that she dislocated her toe and possibly her ankle so she was in a bright pink wrap/soft cast for a week. She still favors it a bit at times but it's sure not slowing her down, even in the 8 inches of snow we now have on the ground.

How far along?: 38 weeks

Weight?: I think I'm up 2-3 lbs over my pre-pregnancy weight at this point but I'll get weighed again on Thursday so it could be more.

Maternity Clothes?: I'm getting a bit tired of wearing the same clothes over and over again. Good thing I work from home and can be pretty casual....

Stretch Marks?: Not so far.

Sleep?: I still have times when I'm up for a few hours a night but thankfully it's not every night now so I'm feeling much better. Not going to lie though, it's tough to get comfortable and a real pain in the ass to turn over every hour or so when my bottom hip goes to sleep.

Best Moment of the Week?: Passing our second Biophysical Profile today. All is still well with baby and I'm hoping the doc has some good news for me on Thursday (as in I've started dialating...).

Movement?: She's actually slowed down a bit, I think it's pretty tight in there since all the medical professionals keep telling me how big she is.

Food Cravings?: Mmm, mac & cheese.

Gender?: Still a girl as far as I know.

What I Miss?: Being comfortable.... : )

What I'm Looking Forward To: Baby Girl's arrival!

Weekly Wisdom: I just keep trying to tell myself she'll get here when she's ready.

Milestones: Making it to full term last week

How's Daddy?: I think he's kind of getting nervous about the actual birth (so am I to be honest but I'm trying not to think about the details of labor). Overall though he's still doing great picking up the slack on all the things I can't or just don't want to do.

Emotions: Pretty even keel at the moment but anxious to get this show on the road.

Perfect Score!

2011-01-04T10:30:00.000-06:00

Thank you so much for your concern for the little one, apparently all is well because she passed the Biophysical Profile with flying colors. Everything looked perfect so I'm getting off the worry wagon, at least where the baby is concerned. We'll go back weekly now for BPPs but it's a great chance to see her so I'm all for it!

One thing, outside of 'babyland' does have me concerned though. Little, our most energetic dog, appears to have injured her leg. Who knows how she did it, she's a complete maniac who jumps over the furniture rather than slow down to go around it. She can't/won't put any weight on her right hind leg and it sort of seems like her tendon on that leg is a bit looser. So in addition to the perinatologist this morning I get to go to the veterinarian this afternoon. If it's not one thing it's another. We also had an incident with Big last night. If you were following me over the summer you might remember her tendancy to kill rabbits, well she caught another one last night and was eating it (eww, I know - it gets worse too so you might want to skip the rest of the paragraph if you have a weak stomach) before we knew what was going on. It turns out that rabbit doesn't sit too well in her tummy and she threw that (and her entire dinner) up on the living room rug. They always throw up on the rug or carpet, never the hardwood or tile floors - is that just my dogs or is it a universal thing? Thank goodness Hubby is home for the duration until after the little Peanut joins us because he cleaned everything up so I didn't even have to see either mess. So much better than over the summer when I had to be dead animal disposal! Yay Hubs!!

So that's what's going on in our household. At this particular moment it seems a bit crazy to be ready to add a baby to the current chaos but we're only 21 days from our due date so ready we have to be. : )

Unexpected NST Results

2011-01-03T17:12:00.000-06:00

Up until today things have gone pretty textbook perfect with my four previous NSTs. Unfortunately, that was not the case today. I was having some fairly regular contractions while being monitored and apparently the baby was not reacting the way they hoped she would. They said it wasn't too bad but they're sending me for a Biophysical Profile first thing tomorrow morning. This, at it's most basic, is an ultrasound where they look for flexing of the limbs to check muscle tone, movement of the torso, breathing movements, and amniotic fluid levels along with another NST.

If she passes then we'll continue to do NSTs weekly at the Peri's office rather than two a week at the OB's. If not, they could go ahead and induce or do a C-section. As ready as I am to meet her, I really hope everything is okay!

Checking Things Off

2010-12-30T18:28:00.000-06:00

We've spent the time since Christmas (which was as exhausting as we thought with the 5 different get-togethers in three days) trying to get things checked off of our to-do list. On Monday I had my 3rd NST and my 36 week checkup and Hubs ended up coming with me. I think he kind of enjoyed listening to the baby's heartbeat on the monitor for so long and definitely watched the read out after the nurse gave him a better explanation of what it was monitoring than I did. The monitor is definitely showing contractions now but not very strong ones.

During the checkup with the Nurse Practioner I had my Group B Strep Test (negative - yay for no IV antibiotics during labor) and my first cervical check. I was 50% effaced and my cervix was soft but not yet dialated. She also said she was touching the baby's head while she was there. I kind of figured she was down there pretty low due to the pain in my 'crotchal' area but I didn't realize she's already in position. She also palpated my uterus to get a good idea about the size of the baby and said 'whoa, she's a big one'. At this point I made the mistake of asking how big she thought the baby was and her educated guess was about seven and a half pounds. Yes, you read that right - 7.5 lbs at 36 weeks which would put her between 9.5 and 11.5 lbs at my due date with normal growth of .5-1 lb per week. The baby at this point is supposed to be somewhere just shy of 6 pounds so even if she's off by a pound the baby is still big. My uterus is only measuring 35 weeks, most likely because she's so low now.

In a way I'm glad to know she's good sized because if I heard 'you're so tiny, you only look 5 or 6 months' one more time over the holidays I was going to punch someone. Everyone kept looking at me like I'm starving myself and the baby or something but obviously that's not the case. For the most part though I'm just in a bit of a panic over delivering a huge baby with Hubs' giant head. We also got in a bit of a panic learning that she's already in position so that's what got us on the kick to really start getting things done.

Yesterday we spent the day getting things we know we'll need right after we bring her home (Pack-n-Play for the bedroom, diapers, diaper pail, bouncy seat, etc) and some things for the nursery like curtains and a rug. Today Hubby unboxed most of the things we'll need soon. I've also washed and put away all the Newborn and 0-3 Month clothes we have along with the receiving blankets and sheets for the PnP and crib. I've got most of my hospital bag packed and most of the diaper bag as well. I figure the more prepared I am the less likely I'll be to go into labor early but better safe than sorry I guess.

At this point I would not object at all to getting this show on the road. I'm having so much trouble sleeping and can't seem to find a comfortable position whether awake or asleep. But the main reason I'm ready to get things moving is that I'm really ready to meet my little girl!

Updates and NSTs

2010-12-21T20:30:00.000-06:00

I know, I know - I've totally slacked off of my updating blog duties. I feel like all I talk about anymore is my pregnancy and that makes me feel guilty. Since there's nothing else very exciting going on I end up not updating at all....

On the holiday front I'm so behind it's not even funny. We still have a few gifts to buy but I'm putting Hubby in charge of those. I got most of our shopping done online, thank you Amazon.com where you can find almost anything. I got our Christmas cards mailed out today, maybe some of them will actually arrive before Christmas. My goal for tomorrow is to get started on the wrapping. We didn't do any decorating this year. We sort of figured if we did then it would still be up in February since we'll be a bit preoccupied in January. As for family events we have Christmas Eve dinner with my family, Christmas Day dinner with Hubs' dad's side of the family and on the 26th we have both his mom's side (which is a switch we didn't expect) and my extended family. I'll be fully over Christmas by next Monday!

In pregnancy updates, I had my 34 week appointment last week and all was fine according to the doc, she doesn't give me too many specifics like my fundal height usually so I just assume it's fine if she says it is. One update from that appointment is that I'm now doing NSTs (non-stress tests) twice a week until the end. Apparently there is a school of thought as of late that sometimes the placentas of moms over 35 start to deteriorate around 37-38 weeks which can harm the baby or even cause stillbirth. So to be on the safe side my OB's practice starts NSTs at 35 weeks. While it's a pain to head in twice a week for the next 5-6 weeks I'd certainly rather err on the side of caution and just do it. Better safe than sorry....

For those of you who don't know what an NST entails it's basically just strapping a couple of monitors to the belly and tracking things for 20 minutes or so. The monitor at the top of the uterus tracks any contractions you might have. The bottom one tracks the baby's heartbeat. The point of the test is to make sure the baby has the correct reaction (a raise in heartrate) when she moves. If her heartrate doesn't rise then they do some additional testing. I'm not sure which tests my OB's office does next and I hope not to find out!

My first test was on Monday and things were 'perfect' according to the nurse and the OB who checked the read-out. I didn't have any contractions while hooked up, which I found odd because I have plenty when not monitored. The little one was a bit stubborn and didn't want to move too much during the test but when she did her heartrate rose appropriately. They want me to eat a bit closer to my appointment time on Thursday and maybe drink a soda on the way there to liven her up a bit next time.

In case I don't update before then (and let's face it, the chances I will are slim) I want to wish all of you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year (and to Rebecca - Happy Birthday)! I can't thank all of you enough for your support throughout the year. No matter how hard things are for you it seems that you are still able to cheer me on which I find so admirable and appreciate so much!! I hope I'm always able to do the same for you - especially through your upcoming (fingers crossed) pregnancies!

32 Week Update

2010-12-02T14:42:00.001-06:00

How far along?: 32w2d

Weight?: I put on two pounds (I think) as of today's appointment so that either puts me one pound down or back to even overall. But I'm less worried about her size after the OB told me today that there's 'a lot of baby in there'. She's going to take after daddy!

Maternity Clothes?: Same as before, I can still wear some of my regular loose, yoga-type pants, longer tees, and pajamas if the pants can stay below the belly but other than that I'm in all maternity clothes. I'm struggling with a coat at the moment. I can't really button or zip the ones I have but I don't really want to spend the money on a maternity coat when I work from home and don't have to go out that often.

Stretch Marks?: Not so far.

Sleep?: I seem to be in another one of those phases where I wake up for a couple of hours every night.

Best Moment of the Week?: The baby dropped a bit ago so I'm a bit more comfortable than I was.

Movement?: She's been a real wiggle-worm lately and seems to really enjoy kicking me in the ribs. I had to have a talk with her earlier this week telling her if she wanted some food she needed to stop kicking me while I'm eating. : )

Food Cravings?: I LOVED all the Thanksgiving foods! Yum....

Gender?: Still a girl as far as I know.

What I Miss?: Right now I miss being able to sleep on my back or stomach.

What I'm Looking Forward To: Our shower is on Saturday, mostly family and a few close friends. I wasn't all that gung-ho to have a shower (it just feels weird and maybe to 'normal' to me) but we weren't allowed to get away without one.

Weekly Wisdom: I'm trying not to stress about all the things left to do. I'm surprisingly more zen about things than I thought I would be.

Milestones: The baby dropping was pretty big to me. I'm definitely showing more since then too.

How's Daddy?: He was so fantastic at our childbirth class, hopefully that's a good indication of how he'll be during labor. He's also started telling stories to the baby, but not nursery rhymes or anything, he likes to tell her about college football rivalry stories.

Emotions: I'm still tearing up pretty easily but I'm not as cranky as I thought I would be at this point so that's a good thing.

The Holidays Last Year

2010-11-30T11:20:00.001-06:00

Last year the holidays were rough for me. All I seemed to be able to focus on was the upcoming 1 year anniversary of our m/c in January and the two year anniversary of TTC the next month. Not to mention another holiday season with no little one joining the family. I had a full blown meltdown on New Year's Eve last year, especially after watching the parade of pregnant women walk by me at dinner, remembering that I'd been pregnant the previous NYE but still had no baby. The stress of the season almost put me over the edge, but somehow I made it through.

Obviously things are different this year (and for that I'm unbelievably grateful) but I haven't forgotten those feelings from last year and especially haven't forgotten those who are going to go through it again this year. The hurt has faded a bit for me but it's certainly not gone. I wish I could take away the pain so many of you are feeling right now. I don't know if my miracle offers hope or just sort of breaks your heart (maybe a little of both...). I hope with everything I have that this is the last holiday season any of you have to spend wondering when it's going to be your turn.

This year I have different worries. How soon will she be here? Will I have things ready? Who will she look like? Will she have Hub's big noggin? What will the birth experience be like? Then of course there's the big one: Is she going to be healthy? Most are smaller worries somehow and things that will only be worries for the next couple of months but her health is really what I'm focused on this holiday season. That's what's weighing on me this year.... I'll take any amount of suffering for me if she'll just be healthy. Just like all you would for a healthy baby as well. I hope it comes true for all of us!

30 Weeks!

2010-11-18T14:03:00.000-06:00

Since I've been doing one of these after every doctor visit, and I'm now at every two weeks, these might be a bit more frequent....

How far along?: 30w2d

Weight?: I lost a pound at today's appointment (so down about 3 from my pre-pregnancy weight) which just adds to my stress that baby girl isn't growing like she should. My fundal measurment was 31.5 so my uterus is actually measuring a bit big so they're still not worried. The NP did suggest I add about 400 calories a day though just as a precaution.
Maternity Clothes?: Same as before, I can still wear some of my regular loose, yoga-type pants, longer tees, and pajamas if the pants can stay below the belly but other than that I'm in all maternity clothes. I really have to get some new bras though because since my uterus is so high they're really tight and uncomfortable around the band area.
Stretch Marks?: Not yet, I could pretend it's because of the Vitamin E oil I use after my showers but in reality I know it's because I'm not really growing 'out'.
Sleep?: My hips still hurt if I sleep on one side too long and last night my back was a mess. Overall it's not too bad though.

Best Moment of the Week?: She turned so she's head down now. We also have our childbirth class on Saturday so I'm hoping that will be a good moment for us to share.

Movement?: Even before the NP told me she's turned I could tell because I'm now getting kicked in the ribs instead of the side.

Food Cravings?: Still craving sweets but I'm also quite the meat lover at times, beef mainly....

Gender?: I'm assuming she's still a girl. : )

What I Miss?: Being able to breathe easily, my lungs are a bit squished at the moment.

What I'm Looking Forward To: My In-laws are painting the nursery starting tomorrow and when they're done we can move the furniture in!

Weekly Wisdom: I need to hydrate myself better.
Milestones: Passing my GD test and getting the nursery started.

How's Daddy?: He's still pretty great about things but he doesn't seem to want to feel the baby that much which I find a bit weird. When I offer there's usually something else he's doing that takes priority.
Emotions: I'm still tearing up pretty easily.

I'm GD Free!

2010-11-10T15:58:00.002-06:00

I managed to choke down the fruit punch syrup and hold it down without throwing up yesterday. Some of that might have something to do with the nausea and Zantac prescriptions the doctor called in for me but some of it was just sheer force of will - I was not going to drink that stuff again. Fortunately I also do not have to go on the gestational diabetes diet - yay food! I got an automated call from my OB's office about an hour ago telling me my test results were available online for me to check. I figured at that point I must be in pretty good shape or I would have heard from the nurse instead.... That's the way their office (and most doctors' offices I'd guess) operates.

I've included my results below for any of you who are curious, whether it's now or later (I know I went back and looked at Lara's old blog posts for reference - thanks for sharing the details, Lara!). After seeing the details I'm wondering if my low fasting result might be why I'm still sick a lot of mornings. Bad reaction to having low blood sugar perhaps?

Report                   Result   Ref. Range   Units

GLUCOSE - FASTING   67     65-95      MG/DL

GLUCOSE - 1 HOUR    129     65-180     MG/DL

GLUCOSE - 2 HOUR    124      65-155      MG/DL

GLUCOSE - 3 HOUR    104      65-140      MG/DL

Thanks for all your advice and good wishes for the test! Logically I didn't think I probably had gestational diabetes but it didn't stop me from being nervous - both about taking the test and actually having GD.... Guess it's time for some Halloween candy to celebrate!! : )

I Failed....

2010-11-04T17:52:00.000-05:00

My 1 hour gestational diabetes glucose test that is.... My OB's cutoff is 139, I scored a 142. Quite the over-achiever, aren't I? So this means I get the distinct non-pleasure of doing the three hour glucose tolerance test. For those who haven't had the pleasure of either doing it or hearing about someone who's had to do it, here's what happens: Fasting blood draw upon arrival, drinking what is apparently one of the worst liquids known to man (or woman), blood draw 1 hour, 2 hours and 3 hours after said nasty liquid.

My biggest concern (other than failing this one too of course) is the fasting part of the whole deal. I'm not allowed to eat anything after midnight the night before. I still throw up in the morning if I don't eat in time or enough or if something makes me gag or just whatever (happened yesterday before I drank the 'juice' because something made me gag and again this morning because I got sick in the middle of dinner last night and couldn't finish so my stomach was super empty when I got up). I'm not aiming for pity here, which is why I haven't really mentioned still getting sick here. I'd endure anything - like most of you - to have a healthy baby. What I'm looking for is advice on how to survive this without throwing up the nasty liquid then having to go through the whole thing again another day. Does anyone have any sure fire tactics to keep your stomach calm and keep from getting sick (that doesn't involve eating something)?

Here's something I've never heard before that the nurse told me when she called. My OB has you eat a slice of white bread with every meal for the three days prior to the test. She said it's something about priming your system for the test? Maybe she wants to make sure I'm not depriving myself of all carbs to try to lower my numbers or something but I've never heard of this before.

So anyway, any advice or just good luck would be much appreciated.... I'll be scheduling my test with the lab for next Tuesday or Thursday depending on their schedule.

28 Week Update

2010-11-03T11:36:00.000-05:00

How far along?: 28w1d

Weight?: No weight gain again at today's appointment which leaves me still down 2.5 lbs.... My fundal measurement is right where it should be at 28 though so doc says all is well and just enjoy my luck. Honestly, I figured I'd be one of those pregnant women who gets as big as a house so I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around this whole lack of weight gain thing. I did not eat as healthy the last month as I had been so I'm really surprised I didn't put on at least a few pounds.

Maternity Clothes?: I can still wear some of my regular loose, yoga-type pants, longer tees, and pajamas if the pants can stay below the belly but other than that I'm in all maternity clothes.

Stretch Marks?: Not yet but apparently my uterus is growing up instead of out at this point so there's still time for them.

Sleep?: My hips hurt if I sleep on one side too long and I'm getting the achy back thing again.

Best Moment of the Week?: Hitting the 3T!!

Movement?: Yes, I'm definitely feeling her.

Food Cravings?: I seem to have moved into the craving sweets phase now, just in time for Halloween candy and my Gestational Diabetes test today. Nice.

Gender?: I'm assuming she's still a girl. : )

What I Miss?: Nothing at the moment.

What I'm Looking Forward To: Knocking some of my to-do list down.

Weekly Wisdom: Those glucose drinks really do suck.

Milestones: 3T and we got the nursery furniture ordered.
How's Daddy?: So great, he seems to have more patience than I do for Babies-R-Us and all the nursery stuff.

Emotions: I tear up pretty easily these days.

So Unprepared....

2010-10-28T16:00:00.001-05:00

That's how I feel right now, completely and totally unprepared for this little one to arrive. I think for so long we were too paranoid to really plan anything, and definitely too scared to buy anything. Now I'm just days away from the 3T (or in it according to one place I read) and we've just started really planning for her arrival. The visit to the nieces really helped light a fire under our butts so I'm really glad we went. Who knows how long we would have procrastinated if we hadn't gone.

Since the trip we finally took that dreaded sojourn to BRU and registered (well, I did a lot online then we went and 'finished' up in the store). While there we picked up a few onesies too, just so we'd have something actually in our possession to make it feel more real. Since then, about a week or so later, the bedding we picked out came up as 20% off so I bought that as well. We've also registered for our childbirth class. So that's what we've accomplished so far....

What is left to do takes up an entire page in my notebook. Not in one of those little wimpy notebooks either, I'm talking full on legal sized paper. We still haven't hired a contractor to re-do the bathroom (though that's not entirely our fault but I'm not going to distract myself with that story now), haven't ordered furniture, painted the nursery, on and on - you get the picture. I'm trying not to freak out. For a long time I was very zen about the whole thing but as the big day gets closer and closer I'm starting to feel a bit of panic. I keep telling myself that it will all get done and that babies don't need that much (from a material standpoint) at first but I still feel behind. Can anyone tell me when that whole nesting instinct is supposed to kick in? I think I might be missing that gene....

I thought I was going to avoid the whole shower thing but Hubs' step-mom isn't going to let me be that lucky so we're having a shower on December 4th. It's the same day as the Big 12 Conference Football Championship game so we'll be keeping it pretty casual and will plan to watch the game afterward. (Go Tigers, hope they can stay undefeated and finally win the big game!) Maybe the shower will actually help us get things moving and feel more prepared. That's what I'm going with anyway....

Some friends asked Hubs over the weekend if he had any pictures of me pregnant (he was away at a football game, I stayed home) and we realized that we don't have one. I was going to ask him to start taking belly shots when I felt like I looked pregnant but that's really just happened recently. Until then I just felt chubby, and still do for the most part, but I'm finally starting to look a bit more pregnant. So, one of our goals is to get a picture taken soon. Once we do I'll post it so you know I'm not making this whole thing up! : )

That's enough rambling and venting for now!

Last Trip

2010-10-18T12:15:00.000-05:00

Now it's time for me to update on the second half of my trip from last week which will most likely be my last trip before the new arrival. Since we were already going to be on the East Coast for the weekend Hubs thought it would be nice for me to spend a couple of nights in NYC as well. (For those of you who don't know, Hubs works in NYC during the week and has an apartment there so we're all set for a place to stay.)

We flew up from DC on Sunday morning early enough so that we could watch the football game. Our original thought was that we'd go to a bar or something and watch but the game ended up being on TV so we just watched from his apartment and ordered some fantastic NY pizza. Mmmm, so good. I just worked from the apartment on Monday and Tuesday days so I didn't wander around as much as I should have but he has an awesome view of the Empire State Building from his apartment so I just stared out the window quite a bit.

For dinner Monday we went to an Italian restaurant close to the apartment that had been recommended by one of his co-workers. Overall I was less than impressed, the mussels were horrible and the service left a lot to be expected. At least the pasta was good though and that's what I'd wanted to eat so it wasn't horrible but I don't think there will be a return visit.

Fortunately dinner on Tuesday night completely redeemed our dining experiences in the city. Hubs works down in the Financial District so he wanted to go to one of the steakhouses down there. I took the train down and met him at his office then we walked around for a while before our reservation, including walking by the New York Stock Exchange building - which is gorgeous! We went to dinner at Harry's Steakhouse and everything we had there was so good. The only disappointment was that they didn't have any creamed spinach which is one of my steakhouse favorites. My filet was perfectly medium-rare and the potatoes were just how I like them (probably as much butter and cream as whipped potato...). It's nice not to even think about calories! We had lots of leftovers so Hubs got a nice dinner on Wednesday night too! : ) Can you tell that I'm a bit food obsessed? But that's always and not pg related....

After dinner that night we met some of Hubby's co-workers for a drink (the bartender made me some sort of fancy non-alcoholic drink). It was really nice to meet some of the people Hubs spends more time with than me most weeks. It's obvious they all respect him and also that he's excited about the baby because they all knew I was pregnant and asked about it. It was the most 'normal' pregnancy experience I've probably had because aside from one guy Hubs is close to and is counseling through his own IF issues, no one knows anything other than we're having a little one.

Also, in pregnancy news, I'm down to double digits until the due date. That's right, 99 days to go. We've got to get moving on well, pretty much everything! How has it gone so fast when our whole IF ordeal dragged on for what seemed like an eternity???

Family Updates

2010-10-14T18:45:00.000-05:00

I got back in town last night from my trip to DC and NYC and as much fun as we had it's so great to be home! I left on Friday around noon and was in DC with the family until Sunday morning then flew up to NYC and stayed at the Hubs' apartment until I flew home yesterday.

First thing I want to say is that I just fell in love with our new nieces, they are the sweetest things ever!! It was so great to meet them and spend a couple of days getting to know them and it was especially great to get a little baby practice. Both Hubs and I said that it made the actual baby part seesm much more real and made us so excited for her to get here (but not for a couple more months of course). Up until now the idea of a baby has been a bit nebulous. We've been taking things in much smaller steps: first to actually get pregnant, then to stay pregnant, then to get past the screenings, etc. but we haven't really let ourselves think about her as a baby. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else but we seem to be on the same page there so I guess I'm not totally alone in it.... Anyway, getting to spend time with the twins made us so excited to get to meet our own little one. It's something I could not have done if I wasn't pregnant (those of you who have are much stronger than me!), at least not without trying to take one of them home.

On to something I haven't mentioned yet in my blog. Hubs' sister is also pregnant with her first and she's due a week before me. I'm not sure why I haven't brought it up before, I've started to but it never managed to come out. Maybe because I'm bitter it only took her a few months? After thinking about it I think maybe I just needed a place where it's about me and my pregnancy since in real life I have to share. I know it's selfish but it's my blog! : ) Anyway, we kept hearing about how big she is (her dad said she better hope she has a 25 lb baby) but haven't had a chance to see her yet since she lives across the country. We didn't know she was coming but she came up to DC on Saturday night to go to a friend's bbq. This is going sound totally judgemental but - Wow, she's huge! She really does look like she's about ready to pop already and she has three months to go. I'm not comparing her to me since I know I'm abnormally small for this far along but she's way bigger than my SIL was with twins at 30 weeks. Apparently she put on 20+ pounds in the 1T and hasn't really slowed down since. Needless to say she's miserable and totally done being pregnant (though apparently she's had a pretty easy pg aside from the pains attributed to the weight gain) and honestly I didn't really want to hear that since I'm doing my best to enjoy every moment. Yes, again I know I'm being bitchy but that's how I feel. I'm hormonal and I'm venting so don't judge me too harshly.

I'm feeling cranky (mostly with myself) now so I'm going to save the update from NYC for another time since it was a lot of fun and I want to be in a better frame of mind when I write about it.

24 Week Update

2010-10-05T13:08:00.000-05:00

How far along?: 24w

Weight?: I gained half a pound from my last appointment which leaves me still down 2.5 lbs.... I'm more worried about it than the doc or nurse though.

Maternity Clothes?: I can still wear some of my regular loose, yoga-type pants and longer tees but had to buy a couple pairs of maternity jeans for going out in public.

Stretch Marks?: Not yet but I'm still not very big.

Sleep?: It's been better lately but I still have some back pain and now my hips start to hurt if I sleep on one side too long.

Best Moment of the Week?: Still to come, we're heading to DC to meet our new nieces this weekend!

Movement?: Yes, I'm definitely feeling her.

Food Cravings?: I've loved apples for the past couple of months and I'm thrilled it's finally Honeycrisp Apple season - mmm!! Don't want you to think I'm all health crazy so I'll admit I love Hubby's grilled cheeseburgers too!

Gender?: She's still a girl. : )

What I Miss?: I'm starting to miss sushi....

What I'm Looking Forward To: Hubby being able to feel her kick.

Weekly Wisdom: I don't seem to be all that wise at the moment....

Milestones: We've reached the technical point of viability, though she needs to stay right where she is and not test that theory.

How's Daddy?: He's definitely helpful when he's home, wish that was more than just the weekends though!

Emotions: I'm a bit shorter tempered lately and have cried a couple of times but not as bad as I thought I might be. : )

Overly Enthusiastic or Gluttons for Punishment?

2010-09-22T11:21:00.001-05:00

Hubs and I have decided that we're going to do some (more) remodeling before the big event. Before I detail it out I should tell you about our home so you have some idea of where we started. Our home is in a historic neighborhood and was built in the mid-1930s. When we bought it six and a half years ago it hadn't had much work done to it though it was in very good shape. Before we moved in we did a huge re-do to the kitchen (tearing down walls, replacing plumbing/electrical, all new cabinets, counters floors and appliances, etc - basically started from scratch), built out a new master bath and turned the attached garage in the back into another living room. Since then we've added a new attached garage, built a deck and an outdoor kitchen. While doing this we've done our best to maintain the integrity of the house, especially the original woodwork, etc.

We've been spacing it out so it wasn't all done at once but other than the outdoor kitchen we haven't done much in a couple of years. Maybe I've forgotten what it's like to do this or something but I told Hubby that I want to re-do the other upstairs bathroom. It's original to the house with some lovely pink and blue tiles (which might work well for a nursery if they weren't 70-80 years old) and a blue tub, sink and toilet - again original so not exactly in tip top shape. I kind of liked the bathroom overall, in a weird way, when it was just a guest bath but since it's attached to what will be the nursery I decided I'd like to get some new 'stuff' in there so we might as well re-do the whole thing. Along with that we're completely demo-ing the basement and trying to make the finished part bigger. The demo will happen along with the bathroom, don't know about the remodeling part of it though.

So we've been meeting with contractors and thinking about plans. We've learned over the years that we (especially I) really need to take the 'creep factor' into account when hiring someone who's going to be in our house with me for weeks. I don't want to be skeeved out by someone every day for weeks on end, especially since I work from home. So as of right now we've got two companies we like but don't have bids from any of the three we've talked to yet so we'll see how much gold they want to line their pockets....

Now tell me my bloggy friends, have we completely lost our marbles for doing this now or will it be worth it? The bathroom is tiny so shouldn't take over a month. Am I going to be able to deal with it or will I go stark raving mad???

Level II Ultrasound Update

2010-09-16T14:10:00.000-05:00

Hubs and I went in for our level II u/s on Tuesday morning and much to our delight, things look really good. We had the same tech we had for our NT scan and I still really liked him. He was great about explaining what he was looking at and letting us know that it looked like it should.

He showed us the hemispheres of the brain and the vessels there, he looked at all four chambers of the heart along with the aorta. He also checked the bladder, the stomach and other organs. Everything looked just as it should! We got to see the hands and feet too, 10 fingers and 10 toes! One of these days I'll actually post a photo of the little one.

We also confirmed that we are indeed expecting a little girl! We saw the tell-tale three little lines quite distinctly. We're no where near deciding on a name but we still have plenty of time for that so I'm not worried about it just yet. We called Hubby's mom on the way home to tell her that everything looks great and that she should get ready for a granddaughter. I'll probably call my parents this week to let them know as well.... Mom has already decided it's a girl while Dad thinks it's a boy so Mom will not only be thrilled that it's a girl but also that she's right. : )

They calculated her weight at 15 ounces which seems to be around the larger side of 'normal' for her age according to my books/websites. I was so relieved to hear this because I was a bit worried that she was going to be really small since I haven't gained any weight and I'm not showing all that much. I should have known she'd take after Daddy, his family's genes are STRONG! I'm kind of hoping her head is more like mine than Hubby's, or at least somewhere in between. Extra large noggins run in his family - ouch!
The only thing that disappointed me (and yes it's a very small thing) is that they didn't switch over to the 3d/4d ultrasound. I was hoping to get a different view of the little one. But I'll take a healthy baby over a different view any day.

I think that's it from the pregnancy front, I promise a non-pregnancy update very soon! Thanks so much for all of your support, I do know how difficult it can be to read updates....

20+ Week Update

2010-09-09T11:59:00.000-05:00

I can't believe I'm at the halfway point already!! It seems to have flown by....

How far along?: 20w2d

Weight?: Down another pound but the OB isn't concerned since LO is on target growth wise.

Maternity Clothes?: I can still (barely) wear some of my previous 'fat' clothes which is great because I didn't want to invest in more summer clothes but I did take advantage of a recent 30% off coupon from The Gap to buy some work basics. I needed something for my trip last week and figured yoga pants wouldn't really be appropriate.

Stretch Marks?: Not yet but I'm not very big.

Sleep?: It's been better lately but I still have a lot of back pain.

Best Moment of the Week?: The best moment since my last update was telling my bro and SIL. They're the only ones we've told about the gender so far and she's SO excited for a girl!

Movement?: I think I'm feeling it but I'm hoping it will get stronger or more often soon so I'll know for sure.

Food Cravings?: Nothing at the moment.

Gender?: She's still a girl as of today's u/s. : )
What I Miss?: Nothing that I can think of.

What I'm Looking Forward To: Our Level II u/s next Tuesday

Weekly Wisdom: Eat more frequent small meals.

Milestones: Feeling movement and I came out to my boss and another person at work this week.

How's Daddy?: Very involved, he's been looking online for furniture for the nursery since we've sort of decided what style we like after checking out local stores. He's also put himself in charge of stroller research "since it has wheels".

Emotions: I'm a bit shorter tempered lately but not as bad as I thought I might be. : )

This Week

2010-08-30T20:18:00.000-05:00

Nothing too exciting is happening with me this week but I did want to let you all know that I'm traveling starting tomorrow and might not be able to comment on your blogs - but I will be thinking of you! I'm headed to NC for work through Thursday night then we're heading down to the lake on Friday for the long Labor Day weekend to see my parents (and let the girls swim - their favorite thing!). The puppies deserve some fun, it seems like they've been in the kennel a lot this summer since I've been traveling for work so much (for those who don't know Hubs travels all week, every week for his job so if I have to travel too the girls have to go to 'camp'). They're not usually there more than a few days at a time, other than when we were in Nassau, but I still think they deserve to spend the weekend swimming!

So I guess that's it for me, told you it wasn't very exciting.... : )

Vacation Update

2010-08-24T18:07:00.000-05:00

Hi all! We're back from the Bahamas and back to the daily grind. Vacation was great, we spent a lot of time relaxing and catching up on sleep (especially Hubs since he was beat down from work the last couple of weeks). I got a bit of color but managed not to scald myself for the most part. It was really hot w/o much of a breeze so we spent more time in the pool than lounging in the chairs. If I didn't mention it before, we decided to stay at the Sheraton after a particularly distasteful call with the folks at Atlantis - Rude! The hotel was perfect for us, lots of pool space, nice beach, several places to eat, clean rooms, nice people who worked there. Overall I'd recommend it. It's certainly not as fancy as Atlantis but still nice.

We had several good meals while we were there too. One was at one of the fanciest places at Atlantis, Cafe Martinique. We had gone to gamble (the one place the Sheraton was lacking was their casino - it was not only a bit pathetic but it smelled so disgustingly musty even Hubs was turned off by it) and just figured we'd eat there too but we didn't know what we wanted. The pit boss listed off a bunch of places but mentioned that Cafe Martinique was a must try. I didn't figure they'd let us in since Hubby was in shorts even though he had a nice shirt on but it was sort of late (and late in the season) and I was dressed up so they ushered us right in. We had a couple of great fish dishes there and the chocolate souffle was awesome!

Later in the week we walked down to an Italian place called Capriccio which was maybe a mile or so from our hotel. It might be one my new favorite Italian places, including some in NYC. We started with a Caprese salad which had obviously fresh mozzerella, delicious. Then I had the Penne with Mushrooms in Pink Sauce - one of the best things I've ever put in my mouth. We couldn't believe how good it was, who expects great Italian food in the Bahamas?? We also took some Tiramisu to go but it wasn't the best. Probably should have just snacked on more pasta. : )

Enough food talk, can you tell it's dinner time? We ended up deciding to fly home a day early. We were both ready to be home and to pick up the girls from the kennel. Unfortunately the trip home was a bit of a disaster, we were delayed both in Nassau and in Atlanta but we finally made it home around 2 am or so. We picked the girls up the next morning and they were so excited to see us. I think it's the longest Little has ever stayed at 'camp'. Guess she was either bored or feisty because she pulled all of the stuffing out of their (HUGE) bed overnight one night. Apparently the woman who doing the overnight shift took a picture with her phone because she couldn't believe how much destruction one dog could cause. We thought it was hysterical, we could definitely believe she's destructive! : )

I think that's it for the rambling. Vacation was great but it's always good to be back home w/the pups!

16+ Week Update

2010-08-14T12:24:00.000-05:00

How far along?: 16w4d

Weight?: I was either down another pound or stayed the same, I can't remember exactly what I weighed last time.

Maternity Clothes?: I need to buy more but I don't really want to invest in a summer maternity wardrobe when most of my pregnancy will be in fall/winter....

Stretch Marks?: Not yet but it's still a bit early.

Sleep?: I'm usually up for a couple of hours at some point in the night.

Best Moment of the Week?: Hubs being there for our latest ultrasound.

Movement?: Not yet but again it's too early, especially since I have an anterior placenta.

Food Cravings?: Nothing at the moment.
Gender?: After yesterday's u/s we're pretty sure we're having a girl!

What I Miss?: I can't think of anything though I'll probably miss being able to eat grouper while in the Bahamas.

What I'm Looking Forward To: Movement and starting to shop for things.

Weekly Wisdom: Still drink more water.

Milestones: Finding out the gender and telling our families.

How's Daddy?: When he found out it's (most likely) a girl he's ready to implement lock down already. : )
Emotions: Better than I thought but I've been looking forward to leaving on vacation tomorrow so that improves the mood!

The Cat's (partly) Out of the Bag

2010-08-09T17:20:00.000-05:00

Warning: This post might be hard for some, please skip it if you want or need to!

I finally spilled the beans this weekend. We went down to the Lake so we could tell my parents. They didn't even know we were TTC, in fact I think they had given up all hope of ever having a grandchild since we've been married 9 years and they know my bro/SIL are not planning to have kids.

Their 42nd anniversary is tomorrow so I told them we were coming down because we got them an anniversary gift. I got them a book on how great it is to be a grandparent that had a spot for a picture on the cover and I placed our last u/s picture in there. My mom got it right away when she looked at it. Dad looked at it and said - 'No Shit?', which Mom then repeated. She then started jumping up and down and crying, even Dad started crying. They both kept hugging us, it was quite the overwhelming surprise for them. Mom had wondered a bit since I haven't been drinking this summer but she said when I'd lost weight instead of gained over the 4th holiday she figured it was just wishful thinking on her part.

Hubs also told his dad and step-mom on Wednesday. They've known more than any other set of parents about our struggles and procedures. They already suspected (and have for quite a while) so it wasn't really a surprise to them. That's one of the reasons Hubby just decided to do it over the phone rather than in person.

I still want to tell my brother and sister-in-law in person and one couple who has been especially supportive to us (and used the same RE to conceive their daughter). We're also planning to tell Hubby's mom and step-dad on Saturday so then we'll be done with the 'in person' reveals and I'm sure word of mouth will spread quickly from there. We're certainly not sending out a mass email for anything like that, we all know what our own reactions are to those and I wouldn't want to do that to someone who might be silently suffering....

It kind of feels good to finally be telling people. I know we probably should have, or at least could have, before the 16 week mark but not only were we paranoid but it was also kind of nice having such a happy secret between the two of us without anyone to tell us how we should be doing things. But any longer and it was going to be pretty obvious.

Can Humidity Kill You?

2010-08-02T18:19:00.000-05:00

It is so freakin' miserable here it's not even funny. Today it hit 100 degrees with a heat index of 110. That equates to humiditiy somewhere around 1000% (but don't quote me on that). This summer has either been ass-hot or ass-hot and raining. I don't do well in the heat as I tend to get heat headaches so I'm just trying my best to stay inside when it gets like this. Also trying to drink lots of water but I can never seem to get quite enough. I think Mother Nature is punishing all of the political candidates for all of the heinous attack ads we've been forced to endure all summer....

One good thing about the weather is that my tomatoes and cucumbers are going CRAZY!! I pretty much have to pick from my grape and pear tomatoes every day and pick cucumbers once or twice a week. Not too shabby for my first 'official' garden.

I also realized I never really updated after last weekend. The Paul McCartney concert was fantastic!! He played for almost three hours and totally rocked! We were able to go to Hubby's reunion after that, though we were at least an hour later than we though we'd be due to the length of the concert - totally worth it, especially to me. We got to see quite a few people that we hadn't seen since the last reunion but for the most part the ones still lingering were the ones we still hang out with so it wasn't too exciting.

I'm attempting a re-do of my trip to Seattle this week, hopefully this one will be a go because I'm kind of over the whole travel thing (until vacation of course) after all of the travel I've done the last couple of months. So, if I'm not able to comment for a couple of days later this week you'll know why.... I'm guessing it should at least be cooler up in the Pacific Northwest so that's another reason I hope I make it! Wish me luck.... : )

14 Week Update

2010-07-27T19:46:00.000-05:00

I always enjoy when others do these updates so I figured now that I'm in the 2T I'll post one as well.... : )

How far along?: 14 weeks

Weight?: -1 lb at my last vist but I have no doubt that will change on my next visit.
Maternity Clothes?: I bought a pair of pants from the Old Navy clearance sale, very comfy! I think it's time for more pants, I seem to be wider but not as much of a belly as I'd like to see yet.
Stretch Marks?: Not yet but it's still a bit early.

Sleep?: Not good, I keep waking up in excruciating back pain....

Best Moment of the Week?: Hitting the 2T!
Movement?: Not yet but again it's too early.
Food Cravings?: I haven't really been too hungry lately but I do love my cinnamon bears (oh the nutrition, huh)

Gender?: Still unknown but I can't wait to find out.

What I Miss?: I can't think of anything since I found some Caffeine Free Dr. Pepper
What I'm Looking Forward To: Pretty much everything - movement, finding out the gender, etc.

Weekly Wisdom: I need to make sure I drink more water. I've been getting a lot of headaches.
Milestones: Yay for the 2nd trimester.

How's Daddy?: Getting more comfortable talking about this like it might actually happen (that goes for me too though).
Emotions: Pretty good so far but I haven't had to deal with a lot of idiots lately so I'm sure that helps.

I'm an Aunt!

2010-07-23T14:50:00.000-05:00

Those of you who have been following me for a while might remember that Hubby's brother and sister-in-law were pregnant with twins. The babies were originally due in September so they came really early, between 30-32 weeks depending on who's telling it.

My two nieces (no one knew the genders until birth, not even Mom & Dad) were born yesterday afternoon. They are 3 lbs, 1 oz and 3 lbs, 7 oz (and they have great names which I'm not sharing with you all to respect their privacy). My SIL developed pre-eclampsia and was admitted into the hospital early this week. She then ended up developing HELLP syndrome (her liver was basically shutting down) so they decided to take the babies out early. The girls are both doing very well considering how early they are, both are breathing without intubation but they'll still probably be in the NICU for several weeks at least.

Big news for the whole family! : )

First Trimester Screening Results

2010-07-22T09:28:00.000-05:00

The peri's office called yesterday afternoon with the results from the bloodwork portion (integrated with the u/s results) of my First Trimester Screening. The risk for Down's Syndrome for my age (according to the peri's office) is 1:164, my risk after the integrated results is 1:3261. My age risk for Trisomies 13 &18 is 1:302, my 'personal' risk is 1:6021. (For those of you who know and care about the actual numbers both my PAPP-A and my HCG were 0.72 MoM.)

I'm so thrilled and relieved by these risk numbers! I feel like a huge weight as been lifted from my shoulders. We're opting not to do an amnio based on this so I'm happy about that as well. It means we won't know for sure if there are any chromosomal issues but as of right now I'm okay with that. We'll still have more screening later in the 2T but it's also non-invasive and hopefully a great way to check out the little one again. I feel sort of like Lara with her checklist right now, not quite ready to do cartwheels but pretty darn happy! : )

This and That

2010-07-21T10:38:00.000-05:00

Let me warn you ahead of time this post is going to be a bunch of random thoughts....

First, why am I posting? Shouldn't I be in Seattle??? Yeah, not so much I guess. Due to a huge storm that came through the area right at the time of my flight yesterday I'm still at home. The airline told me they couldn't get me to Seattle until tonight but my meeting was supposed to be at 10:30 am PDT so that wouldn't really work out so well for me. Got to love summer in the Midwest. But I'm not going to lie, I'm not terribly upset to be home.... I've been traveling a lot the past couple of months.

In gardening news we've got a jungle going on thanks to the heat, humidity and storms. Also perhaps because the plants looked so small when we planted them that we MIGHT have put them a bit close together.... The cucumbers have taken over the 15' netting completely and are wrapping their 'tentacles' around the tomato plants. We picked first cucumber on Monday and I picked three tomatoes this morning (two pear tomatoes and one small heirloom). We have a couple of grape tomatoes and a couple more pear tomatoes that should ripen by then end of the week. We're going to make a cucumber and tomato salad with greek dressing and some (pasteurized) feta with our bounty this weekend! Yum, I can't wait.

Hubby's 20th (ugh) reunion is this weekend. They have stuff scheduled for Friday, Saturday and Sunday but I think I'm getting out of most of it. Friday night is at a complete dive pool bar so Hubs is going with the guys. Saturday night is the bigger event but we have Paul McCartney tickets (YAY!) so we'll probably just go afterward. I think there's a picnic or something on Sunday but I think Hubby will be over the whole thing by then so we're not planning on going.

That's all the random nonsense I have for now!

NT Scan

2010-07-19T16:10:00.000-05:00

We went in this morning for our First Trimester Screening which consists of an ultrasound and some blood work (in case you don't know the particulars). The blood work just consisted of a finger prick which I think hurts worse than an actual blood draw. My finger is all raw and bruised.... I know, poor me!

The results of the u/s were good so I'm very relieved about that part. NT measured 1.7mm which is below average and 'normal' according to the doctor doing the u/s. He was also able to see a nasal bone, something else some docs look for as a soft maker for Down's, etc. He also showed us the baby's brain and all four chambers of the heart. It just amazed me to see how much they could distinguish with such a small fetus! Heartbeat was 152 bpm.

I should get my blood work results back in a week. Despite a good u/s there's still a chance I'll have a higher than normal risk of T21, T18 & T13 based on my levels so we're not out of the woods yet. I was however very happy to hear the u/s results!

Fortunately Hubby was able to stay home today (rather than flying out like a typical Monday morning) to go with me so he got to see everything as well as hear what the genetic counselor had to say. If all is well with my screening results I think we've decided to forgo the amnio. Things could always change but that's where we are now.

I'm off to Seattle for a couple of days starting tomorrow so I'll be out of touch but will certainly let you know when I hear the screening results! Thanks for 'listening'!!

12 Week Appointment

2010-07-12T19:00:00.000-05:00

Everything checked out fine at today's OB appointment. Baby is now measuring a week ahead and the OB spent a bit more time on the ultrasound than the NP did a couple of weeks ago so I got to see the heartbeat and she pointed out more of the body and face. It was my first 'external' u/s so that was a bit strange, almost felt like a 'normal' pregnant person. : ) She also listened to the heartbeat with the doppler for the first time too but I don't know what the measurement was.

I still have this feeling that I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm really hoping things will look good at the NT scan next Monday and I can feel a little more relaxed. I'm kind of terrified something is going to be wrong, I'm not exactly a spring chicken after all....

In other news, Hubby and I booked a trip to the Bahamas for next month. Yay babymoon!! We've never been to the Bahamas before (though we have spent a lot of time on various islands all over the Caribbean) but we can get there fairly easily and pretty quickly given we're coming from the Midwest. Hubs has tons of airline miles so we're doing it right and booked first class using miles. Since we're saving money there, he wants to stay at Atlantis resort. I'm not completely convinced of that yet, we're usually not huge resort type people but he's excited there's so much to do. He kind of needs to be entertained where I can just sit by the beach/pool with a book.... : ) We shall see!

Lazy Blogger

2010-07-10T09:08:00.000-05:00

Sorry to those who care enough to follow me, I've been a lazy blogger as of late. Sure, I could use the excuse that I was at the lake for the weekend of the Fourth then left town again for work on Tuesday and didn't get back until Thursday but the truth is I just don't have much to say right now....

I can share with you on idiotic travel story though, sure to impress you. I decided to check my bag on my return trip on Thursday. I didn't feel like lugging it through DFW or hauling it up into the overhead bin on two planes so I decided to just check it. I have status with the airline and don't have to pay for it anyway so why not make it easier on myself, right? Well, my bag didn't make it on the plane from DFW (along with about 20 other people's bags). No big deal, right - they'll just deliver it to my house when it gets in. Well, dumbass Mel had left her car/house keys in the bag. (I always put them in the outside pocket when I carry my bag on because I put my purse inside the bag and it's the easiest way to find them when I get back home.) So I'm stuck at the airport with no way to get home, no way to pick up the dogs and no way to get into my house if I do get home.... Cue extreme pregnancy hormone related breakdown! I got really lucky though, my bag ended up on the next flight which got in an hour later so I just hung out at the airport for an extra hour and worked/read my book. If it wasn't on that flight I would have been pretty much screwed so I'm at least thankful for small favors. Moral of the story - make sure you have your keys with you at all times....

Pregnancy 'update':
Not too much to tell right now. I thought I was getting over the 1T nausea, had some good days over the weekend, but I've pretty much thrown up every mornng so far this week. Apparently brushing my teeth somehow offends the little one who responds by making me get sick. Thought I'd at least be able to wait until they have teeth to have the tooth brushing argument with them but what can you do? I have my next OB appointment, this time with the acutal OB, on Monday afternoon. I'm really looking forward to making sure everything is all right since I've been feeling very paranoid lately (okay for the entire duration of this pregnancy...). They also schedule my NT scan for the next Monday. I'm going to have to see if either DH can fly back to work Monday afternoon instead of morning like usual or see if they can move me to next Friday. I'd really like him to be there, especially since the last u/s he saw was at 7w3d. Still can't fit into all but a couple pair of capri pants and fortunately one pair of work pants since I needed them on my trip but I still don't want to hit up the maternity shops just yet. I'm also planning to buy a doppler if all is well at Monday's appointment so if any of you have recommendations I'd love to hear them.

Guess that's all for now. That ended up being a lot of rambling for nothing to say! : )

My First Blog Award

2010-07-01T14:28:00.001-05:00

Here's the Award!

For this award, here’s what to do:

1. Thank whoever gave you the award.
2. Tell 7 things about yoursefl that readers may not know.
3. Pay it forward by nominating 10 bloggers you’ve recently discovered.

First and foremost I want to say thank you to Jen! Thanks so much for thinking of me! If you haven't checked her out, you should!

On to me, this one was tough - I'm not that interesting....

1.) Hubs and I went to High School together so we've known each other a long time. We didn't date then but he did have a crush on me.... ; )

2.) I'm allergic to pistachio nuts. Not to the point where I can't be around them or touch them but they will put me in the hospital if I injest them.

3.) My high school cheerleading team was taped for an Austrian documentary. I often wonder what they said about us.

4.) I'm weirdly anal retentive about some things but I'm a horrible housekeeper. I just don't enjoy it.

5.) I love raw cauliflower but loathe it cooked.

6.) I love disaster movies! The more stuff that gets blown up, destroyed by rogue waves or volcanoes the happier I am.

7.) I've worked for the same company for 15 years.

I'd like to give this award to and learn more about (in alphabetical order):

Alex's Adventures

Journey to the End of the Rainbow

Junebug's Musings

Last Chance IVF

One Egg Please

Peanut Noodle

Pollination Chronicles

The Journey through Life

The Latest Adventures

Trying Not to Scream

First OB Appointment

2010-06-30T08:36:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, right at the 10 week mark, was my first appointment at my OB's office. They do the first visit with Nurse Practitioner rather than the OB (who has been my GYN since I moved here six+ years ago), but that was fine because she's GREAT! I was surprised that she actually did an u/s and said they like to do one at every visit until around 20 weeks when the screen real estate runs out. The LO (I have got to come up with a nickname at some point...) is measuring three days ahead at 10w3d so that's good. She said she saw him/her wiggling around but I missed it because it was a super quick u/s. I also ended up getting a Pap since my insurance has changed since my last one in November so I'm still spotting a bit, ugh.

They'll schedule my NT scan as soon as they get some results back from yesterday's samples and the NP had me schedule my next appointment with the OB in two weeks instead of a month so I could have another chance to see if everything is okay. She also said to call anytime I'm not feeling right to get a 'baby fix' (u/s) whenever I need it. So sweet! She just kept saying congrats and how happy she is for us. (We actually started our IF treatments in their office and did three IUIs there and they helped me through my m/c so they know a lot of what I've been through.)

I've still got the nausea going on and have thrown up a couple more times. I'm also down to about one pair of pants, unless you count my 'around the house' stretchy pants. I did get some Bella Bands last week and those help but I'm not sure they're the most comfortable option. I'm still too paranoid to go maternity clothes shopping but I might have to go get some big girl pants so I can be seen in public.

We're heading down to my parents' house at the lake on Friday for the 4th so I have to hide this pregnancy through another long weekend. We've decided to wait until after the NT scan results come in to tell anyone. Plus there's a full house at the lake this weekend and we'd rather just share the news with Mom and Dad alone. They don't even know we've been trying so it will come as a huge shock to them, they've given up on grandkids....

Wow, that's a lot of rambling. Thanks for sticking with if you were able!

Graduation Day!

2010-06-24T14:32:00.000-05:00

I had my last u/s today with my RE and have officially graduated. Filled out my paperwork and everything. Can I just say how much I like my RE over Dr. Douchebag? She was so nice and excited for me, she just has a much better bedside manner than her partner. Of course my dogs have a better bedside manner than Dr. D and they kill things.

Everything looked great with the little one, measuring exactly on target at 9w2d. Heartbeat was up to 171! I even got to see a waving arm. It was all a bit surreal. Wonderful, but surreal.

I have to tell you I was pretty terrified going into today's appointment. There have been way too many losses by so many wonderful women lately and I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm so very thankful that I seem to be one of the lucky ones so far! My heart goes out to the women who weren't so lucky.... None of it seems to make any sense.

Murdering Mutts

2010-06-22T20:28:00.000-05:00

Another one bites the dust. Bunny that is.... It's obvious to me now why they reproduce so quickly and so often, they're just dumb. (Does that mean all of us Infertiles are smarter than average?) What kind of idiot animal hangs out in the yard of two murderous thugs? I guess in order to keep the species going they have to have tons of babies.

Unfortunately dead rabbit guts and m/s don't really mix. Can you guys tell me more stories about your bad animals and things they've caught or done? They made me feel so much better last time!! :)

How Does my Garden Grow?

2010-06-17T08:37:00.000-05:00

It's growing very well, thanks for asking! I know it's not nearly as interesting to you all as it is to me but I'm very excited about my first veggie garden! (I'm also hoping I'll eat a bit better once I start getting my own good stuff!!)

I've got several little bitty green tomatoes on two types of tomato plants. Unfortunately I don't know which plants are which until they get ripe since Hubs didn't pay attention to which grouping is pear, grape or heirloom when he planted them. It's also time to get the tomato cages out, some of my plants are growing a bit out of control.

All three of my broccoli plants actually have broccoli growing in the midst of the giant leaves now. Unfortunately my cauliflower is just a snack to keep the bugs away from the broccoli. I guess it's kind of hard to grow but again, we were really enthusiastic to try all sorts of things after our crap winter so we were a little over zealous....

My cucumber plants have grown about two feet in the last couple of weeks too. They also have the pretty yellow flowers (which should - knock on wood - turn into cucumbers) all over them.

Seems that everything loves the huge, flooding rains we've been having with the possible exception of my peas (and myself). One of my pea plants is dying.... It might be too hot or too wet for them but I'm only losing one so far. Better than losing one of my tomato plants!

Pregnancy Update - Nausea has fully set in. If I don't eat on time it's not good times for the old tummy. Unfortunately it seems like nothing healthy ever sounds good right now. I'm trying not to eat a bunch of crap but at this point I guess I have to eat whatever doesn't make me want to hurl.... We still haven't told anyone the news yet. My RE scheduled me for my last u/s (with their office) on the 24th so if all goes well then I'm considering telling my parents over the weekend of the 4th of July while we're at the lake visiting them. I'll be about 10 and a half weeks at that point. Guess I'll have to see how I'm feeling about things then.

Aren't you glad you just wasted some time on this update? Super exciting I know!! :)

Beautiful Day!!

2010-06-11T15:13:00.000-05:00

First let's just get to what you really want to know - WE HAVE A HEARTBEAT!!

Now for the longer version for those who care. :) I don't know about your RE's office but at mine there is an u/s room in the middle of two patient rooms with sliding doors opening into the ultrasound room. This allows them to be scanning one patient who had been in the left room while the one on the right is disrobing. So while waiting to go to the u/s room we could hear the consultation going on with the patient in there. Dr. Dbag is a LOUD talker. She was at 6w and he went through the same spiel with her that he did with me, right down to the 'I've seen other abnormal pg go on....' speech. Hubs and I were just looking at each other thinking - poor girl! If I had had pants on I would have run out there to tell her he did the same thing to me and give her a hug. (Hubs figured he has diarrhea of the mouth and tries to fill the space when he's nervous or has not so great news.)

So we finally get in for our scan and he immediately finds the heartbeat, flashing away. The difference this week is that we could actually hear it where we could no last week, despite trying (which is when he started backtracking on all his prior excitement). The heartbeat measured 150 bpm - yay! Baby also measured right at 7w3d which is exactly where I am - yay again! Dr. Douchebag was all nice and chatty with us after the good news. He's obviously much better with good news.... I'll try to scan in the u/s pic and post it soon!

I have the option of doing one more u/s with the RE's office (hopefully this time with my RE) or being released to the OB. I'm leaning toward one more visit to the RE because I know I'm going to go into u/s withdrawal once at the OB's (though she did go through IVF w/my RE's office so she's likely to understand the IF crazies).

Unfortunately I have Jury Duty on Monday so I'll have to wait and see if I get seated before scheduling anything for next week. Think they'll let me off the hook for having to pee every 15 minutes? :) Ordinarily I don't think I'd mind serving all that much but between the queasies and the peeing I don't think I'd make an ideal jury member at the moment.

Speaking of queasies, can I just give a big hooray to the makers of Pop Ice? You know those popsicle things in a plastic sleeve? Seriously, when I read someone say it helped them I thought it was ridiculous but I passed them in the grocery store when I wasn't feeling too good and figured it was worth a shot - they're awesome! I feel so much better after one of those!! Don't know why, it could be all in my mind but it doesn't matter if it makes me feel better....

Thank you to everyone for all of your positive thoughts and comments on my last couple of posts, it really helped me feel better about things. I'll do my best to echo your positivity!! :)

Slacking

2010-06-10T10:15:00.000-05:00

I've been completely slacking in my blogging duties. Sorry to any followers who actually enjoy my not so witty repartee.... I had another business trip Monday and Tuesday so that's helped the week pass a bit more quickly. Yesterday I was sick as a dog. I thought morning sickness had finally caught up with me (I've been queasy if I don't eat but not too bad until then) but I feel much better today so who knows.

I don't know how I'm feeling about tomorrow's ultrasound with Dr. Douchebag. I know I'm not looking forward to HIM but I'm not sure how I feel about the u/s itself. Am I excited, nervous? I can't quite seem to pin it down.... Logically I know there should be a heartbeat. Even Hubs saw the flickering last time and he's never seen an u/s before and had no idea what to look for. Even so, after Dr. D's craptastic speech last week I'm just dreading meeting with him again.

Anyway, that's my 'update' for today. Hopefully tomorrow's post will be much more exciting and happy!

"It's Still Early"

2010-06-04T14:35:00.000-05:00

Let me start off by saying that my RE was out of the office today but since Friday is the only day Hubby is in town I went ahead and scheduled our u/s with her partner. We're going to call him Dr. Douchebag for the sake of anonymity.

I'm 6w3d today. He starts the ultrasound and immediately finds the placenta then says we have a baby with a heartbeat - whew, sigh of relief right? NO!

As he keeps going he points out the placenta and the yolk sac and the flickering heartbeat and measures the embryo at 6w4d. Then he backtracks and says well, it's a bit too early. What we're looking at COULD be the baby right up against the wall of the placenta but he's not sure. Over and over again, he's just not sure - it's too early. He wants me to come back next Friday to see more definitively.

He has me sit up and proceeds to tell me that he's seen plenty of pregnancies that shouldn't have a chance to make it go on be perfectly successful. After seeing what I can only imagine was a look of horror on my face he quickly backtracked and said that this one's not one of those. Douchbag. Suckily enough my RE is on vacation next week so I get Dr. Dbag again. Fantastic!

I don't know what I feel right now, just kind of numb. I did see the flickering so I'm trying to be positive but needless to say I don't really feel better after the appointment. Just to further explain why I liked this doc so much, as he measured out whatever it was at 6w4d he wrote out - and I quote - Possuble CRL. Seriously, I'm taking medical advice from a guy who can't even spell possible. Douchebag!!

Hooray for Holiday Weekends

2010-06-01T16:12:00.000-05:00

Hope everyone had a nice long weekend! We had awesome weather at the lake and the girls had a great time swimming - they spent as much time in the water as they could. Both Big and Little are still exhausted! Hubs and I headed down on Friday night, my aunt came down Saturday morning and to our surprise my Bro and Sis-in-Law came down on Sunday so we ended up having the whole family there. It was great!! I didn't have too much trouble hiding the not drinking which came as a surprise since typically at the lake six o'clock means happy hour on the deck. My aunt did ask if I've given up coffee while we were all at breakfast but I think my story was plausible enough.

Time seems to be moving along better than I thought during the wait for my u/s. I'm sure being away for the long weekend helped. I also have a business trip tomorrow, coming home Thursday so that should help distract me as well.... I still can't seem to visualize getting good news on Friday for some reason. All I can picture is the 'things aren't progressing the way we'd hoped' speech (probably because that's all I've heard). Even despite the bit of nausea I had this morning which should be a positive sign. So basically I've still got a bit of the crazies but hopefully not for too much longer! :)

As for my garden, it seems to be doing really well! I have peas in my pea pods now and several of my tomato plants are getting ready to blossom. Yay! I can't wait to get more veggies out of my garden, especially tomatoes!

Radio Silence

2010-05-27T15:19:00.000-05:00

First I'm sorry I'm not doing such a good job at posting this week but there's not much going on. Just trying to hold it together until my u/s, does time always move this slowly??? I'm also trying to give myself permission to get excited but it's slow going. I was so excited (and naive) last time that I don't want to go over the top but I do know that things are very different (better) this time so the hope is creeping in.... :)

Second, I wanted to let you guys know that I'll be away over the holiday weekend so I'm sorry if I don't get a chance to comment on your blogs until next week. We'll be heading down to my parents place, they live on a huge lake and we try to go as often as possible. We didn't get down very often last year due to treatments and such but hopefully this summer will be different. I know Big and Little are ready to do some swimming!! Before you ask, no we don't plan on spilling anything over the weekend.

I also wanted to send a special note to Caryn to tell her I'm so excited she gets to meet Kylie on Saturday and to R. to cheer her on during the wait after her FET! I'll be stalking you both as soon as I'm back!! If you don't visit them regularly feel free to cheer them on for me while I'm gone.... :)

Disconnected

2010-05-24T13:19:00.000-05:00

I just got the call from my nurse, beta #3 is 2064! (At 20 DPO last time my beta was 374) They've scheduled my ultrasound for Friday, June 4th which will be 6w3d - exactly where I was when I had my m/c last time. Kind of freaky but I'm trying to think of it as a chance to get good news that day. I guess if we get bad news, the day is bad anyway so....

I know I need to stop comparing this time to the last but I'm having a hard time with that. I just can't seem to connect my heart to the fact that I'm pregnant. My head gets it, I'm doing all the right things, but I just don't feel the way I thought I would. Disconnected is the probably the best way to describe it, or maybe just 'off'. I hate feeling like this, it makes me feel guilty. I'm really hoping once I see our bean I'll start feeling more confident. Right now I'm just too afraid something is going to go wrong again to let myself be truly happy the way I should be.

I'm a total freak show! It's still so early so I'll just try to fake it 'til I make it.... :)

Eewww!

2010-05-21T13:27:00.000-05:00

You might not want to read this is you're squeamish (it's not TTC related).

Big and Little are big fans of chasing the critters that like to run through our yard (and despite the fact that we live in a city, there are plenty of animals around). Usually however, it's an exercise in futility and they don't actually catch anything. That was not the case yesterday....

There was a young rabbit that has been living around the house. Little chased it out from under the deck and originally caught it. I yelled at her to drop it and she did so it took off. Big was already in a frenzy from watching her sister so she took off after it and caught it too. She however would not drop it no matter how many times I yelled at her and chased her around the swampy yard. I have no doubt I both looked and sounded like a raging nutter! I eventually got her to drop it but it was too late for poor Bugs. :(

It's probably a good thing that I don't have any morning sickness yet because let's just say they didn't just break it's neck - it was pretty gross. I had a really hard time cleaning that up, I was upset and sort of crying and almost broke down and asked the guy next door for help. If he had been in his backyard I would have. I told Hubby it's time for him to get a job in town so I don't have to be dead animal clean up anymore (Big has also snatched three young squirrels right off our huge tree in the past). Hubs of course found the whole thing hilarious when I told him. I'm still not at the point where I find it funny.... Sigh

Rain Rain, Go Away

2010-05-20T16:02:00.000-05:00

It might be time to build an ark.... You'd think after we got pounded by snow all winter that we might get some sunshine in the spring - not so much. I'm just trying to look at the 'bright' side and remember that it's good for my garden. I now have three pea plants that have attached themselves to the netting to grow up the wall, one even has flowers! Everything else seems to be doing pretty well too. I think the weather is supposed to be warm and sunny over the weekend (yay!) so I'm planning to finally get my tomato plants in the garden. WooHoo! We also have a baseball game to look forward to on Saturday.... I need the distractions!

On to the beta update, we're up from 196 to 454 which is more than double!! I'm trying not to get all excited about everything because I know anything could happen but I'm at least really happy that my numbers are SO MUCH better than last time.... My last (hopefully) beta will be Monday, then we'll be scheduling my first ultrasound for sometime around 7.5 weeks.

The Sweetest Thing

2010-05-18T12:57:00.000-05:00

First, thanks to everyone for the hugs and positive thoughts about my old guy! It was almost like he was holding on just long enough because the sweet part of the bittersweet weekend is that I'M PREGNANT!!

Looks like despite all of my pessimism, IUI #8 was a success. I poas again on Friday (after seeing the lines from the trigger shot at 7, 8, and 9 dpiui) and the line was as dark at 10 dpiui as it was at 7 on the cheapie. I then pulled out the FRER just to verify and there was a faint line there too. I decided to go ahead and go for the last digital but it said the dreaded words, Not Pregnant.

Of course then I had to buy more digitals because 1) I needed to believe the lines were right and 2) that's the only way Hubby would actually believe me. Sure enough, next day it said Pregnant (along with darker lines on the other hpts). Needless to say I've been poas everyday since 10 dpiui (thank you cheapie hpts!) and the good news is they continue to get darker. I'm obviously thrilled and yet terrified at the same time, especially after a bit of spotting on Sunday. I'm trying to look at positives of this time over the last - my BFP was at 10 dpo instead of 13 dpo, my hpts are much darker and my beta at 14dpo is 196 instead of 41.

I know this announcement is going to hit some of my bloggy friends like a ton of bricks and I really do wish that everyone had the same good news. There seem to have been a great number of BFPs in our blogosphere lately and I know that while you're happy for me (or want to be) that one more announcement is going to be painful for you. So, I'm sending you (((HUGS))) and a huge thanks for all of your support (that part goes for everyone!)....

Farewell Old Friend

2010-05-17T08:38:00.000-05:00

The weekend was very bittersweet for us. We had to let our old guy go yesterday. When I went downstairs he didn't want to get up to go outside. Then he didn't eat his breakfast, that's when I knew he was done. He was over 15 which is really old for a dog his size and he lived an excellent life. No matter how much I wanted him to stay with us, he was ready to go.

When Hubby got up he agreed it was time and that we should go right then. The whole car ride my heart was just screaming "turn around, I'm not ready...". But it wasn't about me and my friend deserved some dignity. The clinic made him comfortable, gave him big fluffy towel for a pillow and covered him with a comforter - he looked so cozy, and so tired.... Hubby and I stayed with him and rubbed his ears (that always made him happy) while the medicine took affect. I'm not going to lie, it was awful - but it was the right thing for my boy.

I'll try to post on the 'sweet' part of the bittersweet weekend tomorrow, for now I just wanted to say thanks for the memories old friend!

Still Fading

2010-05-13T11:45:00.000-05:00

The second HPT line is still there but getting lighter every day. (Probably only someone who'd seen as many -HPTs as I have would even notice it....) Tomorrow should be my usual lonely solo line. I'm just feeling lucky right now that the progesterone isn't kicking my ass like normal! :)

The weather has been crazy here the last day or so but I think we might be through the worst of it (hope you're not catching the brunt of it Rebecca!). We had one lightening strike that was so close it, combined with the huge clap of thunder, set off car alarms in the neighborhood. Scary since I was outside on the deck trying to get the old guy back in the house - he doesn't move very quickly anymore.

But the garden seems to like all of the recent rain. I pulled two more radishes this morning! Maybe I'll share with Hubby this time since I ate the last two on my own. :) The peas are tall enough now to latch onto the netting we've put up for them to climb. Yay for small victories!

So, that might be the most boring post to date but it's my blog and that's all that's happening in my life! :)

7 DPO and Counting...

2010-05-11T20:07:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling very fortunate that the progesterone crazies seemed to have stayed at bay (at least until I put that in writing and probably jinxed it...). Only IPS are sore boobs (can we say trigger shot) and some cramping, both typical for this point in my cycle. I tried testing out the trigger shot this morning but still had a faint line so I'll try again tomorrow. Honestly, the second line kind of threw me for a loop. If I test out the trigger I usually POAS around 8 dpo and haven't ever seen a line then. In a way it was kind of nice to see another line, even when I know it's the trigger. Yeah, I know I'm weird - I've learned to embrace it! :)

Apparently none of the critters in my neighborhood are having any IF issues. We've got baby bunnies, squirrels, doves and lots of black birds (which go by lots of names) among other things. Let me point out first that I hate those horrible birds and all of the noise and bird crap that comes along with them. We're over run by them. Anyway, I'm guessing one (or more) of the black bird babies has fallen down into the back of our backyard. Big and Little just got dive bombed by about a dozen of the damn things when they went out. Big, being the giant wuss that she is, was terrified by the experience. Little went back again but it was too much even for her bravery. Poor babies!

Guess that's all for now....

Let the Crazies Begin!

2010-05-07T09:56:00.000-05:00

Today is the day the crazies begin, that's right - it's progesterone time! The time in my cycle where the demons come out to play.... I figured I should get a post out in the blog-o-sphere before I become a raging bitch so you can all remember and refer back to it when you get tired of reading my rants! :)

Not much going on around the TTC front since I'm only 3dpiui. Right now I'm trying to decided when to test out the trigger. I know it's a little sad but it's nice to be able to POAS w/o disappointment at least once a cycle. The trigger is usually out of my system by 8 dpiui so I might POAS next Wednesday.

As far as Mother's Day coming up, I'm trying my best to not dwell on the fact that we should have an 8 month old this year but instead we're still just the crazy dog people. In fact I was doing pretty good until I just typed that out.... This just went down a road that it's not healthy to travel on so I'm going to move past this and while I truly appreciate all of your support through your comments, it would be fine with me if you skipped this part - hint, hint. I think I just needed to get it out somewhere and hopefully move on.

Ok moving on, Little is doing great - thanks to everyone for your good wishes there. She should get her stitches out next Thursday assuming she doesn't take them out herself prior to that. Also, I have three radishes coming up in my deck containers that I planted over the weekend. I was able to eat one of the radishes out of the garden on Sunday, it was still a bit small (hard to tell since they're underground) but quite tasty. Can't wait for more veggies!

Some Updates

2010-05-05T08:17:00.000-05:00

Overall everything went well with our IUI yesterday, though Hubby's count was only about half of what it's been the last few times so that's not really great. He also didn't want to BD last night and left this morning for NYC so I guess we'd better hope those five million swimmers find at least one of those four targets....

In puppy news, Little ended up with 7-8 stitches. They said she cut it down to the tendon sheath but there shouldn't be any lasting damage. She was already back to jumping over the couch and tackling Big so she's obviously not bothered by it.... They sent her home with a hood, which is tragic on any dog but on one as energetic as Little it just doesn't work. So we're just trying to keep an eye on her to keep her from chewing or scratching it. Luckily I work from home and can keep an eye on her because putting her in her kennel, with her hood, while we were at the RE yesterday was an absolute disaster!

On the garden front I got some broccoli, cauliflower and cucumbers transplanted into the garden. I think the only thing we have left to transplant is our tomatoes but it's going to get down into the 30s & 40s over the weekend so I'm holding off on that one! I also planted more lettuces, radishes and herbs (from seed) in planters on the deck. The fencing around the garden seems to be keeping the bunnies out for now but it won't hurt to have more veggies!

Guess that's all from me, not terribly exciting but that's my life! :)

Four!!

2010-05-03T11:29:00.000-05:00

You read that right, I have FOUR follies ready to go! Rightie really stepped up to the plate (and hit a home run) this time with follies at 24, 17 & 16. Lefty was probably tired of doing all the work the last few months so we just have a 17 and a 9 which won't be ready by tomorrow of course. Thanks for all the follie vibes you sent, they must have worked! Wouldn't mind some sticky BFP vibes too.... :)

I'm so happy to know my ovaries have some life left in them!! I thought after the confirmation of DOR and my AMH results that I'd have to work extra hard just to get two follies to develop. I consider myself exceptionally lucky to get four follies from six days of 150 iu of Gonal-F. Maybe we'll be a better candidate for IVF than I thought.

I know, I should think positively that this final IUI will work (and I admit my hopes are up higher than they should be after today's news) but I'm afraid that I'm going to tumble into a deep depression if I let myself get too excited and this fails too. Hubby already mentioned how funny it would be if we end up with twins like his bro/SIL. The problem is that I know that four follies does not necessarily equate to four healthy eggs, in my case it doesn't even necessarily mean ONE healthy egg.... I'm so glad he's so excited about the results but I don't want him to assume we'll have success based on this since we've all seen otherwise so many times in our journeys together. Still, I'm trying not to be a buzz kill for him so I'm keeping quiet and just putting my thoughts out here.

In other news, Little is at the vet getting stitches. She somehow managed to rip open the back of her right front leg (down to the muscle, it was not pretty) so she's under sedation, probably as I post this, getting it all cleaned up and stitches put in. She didn't seem all that bothered by the whole thing but I was pretty upset! Assuming all goes well I should be able to pick her up in a few hours. Big seems a little lost without her BFF so I hope she's home soon.... It's quiet without all the crazy!

Last Dance

2010-04-27T12:09:00.000-05:00

I had my CD3 scan this morning with Nurse DA (that stands for Dumb Ass for those of you who haven't been reading for too long) and all is quiet on the Ovarian Front. No cysts so we're a go for our final IUI. Still trying to get a consultation scheduled with the RE to go over my AMH results and what that means as far as IVF. (Just another example of Nurse DA not paying attention, when I was talking to her yesterday she said "You're not willing to do IVF are you?" Umm, yeah - we've said from our first meeting there that we are....)

So protocol for this month is pretty much the same as last month, just double the Gonal-F (150 iu). I'm a bit worried because my next u/s isn't until CD9 which is the day we did our IUI last month, hope we're not too late! Until then I could use tons of grow (multiple) follies vibes if you can spare them and maybe some wake up rightie and get in the game vibes as well! :)

Other than that I'm just hoping we get some warmer weather through here soon so I can start acclimating my tomato plants to the outdoors and plant them soon. We got some planters for lettuces and things on Sunday so we can have some that the rabbits haven't demolished. We did put up some fencing on the garden over the weekend to hopefully keep the bunnies at bay but they're wily wabbits so we have the on deck (literally on the deck) back up plan.

Sending good vibes to everyone willing to read this!

(Oh and Rebecca, I'm trying to get you to sing a little Donna Summer from today's title! :)

You take the good, You take the bad...

2010-04-26T09:07:00.000-05:00

Sorry I was MIA this weekend (not that any of you have been waiting around for me...) but I needed some time 'off'. Friday had a bit of good and of course some bad. First bad was, no surprise, the BFN. Then the game was not a good one for the home team. There ended up being a little baby in the seats right behind me but I did my best to block the cooing from the parents and grandparents. I was holding it together pretty well until our friend who went to the game w/us told us one of our friends is pregnant. She's a year older than me and hasn't even been married a year (this is her first and last I knew they weren't going to try) The real kicker is that her DH is kind of a douche bag who carries a knife around in case "someone steps up on him". Fantastic, I can't give my nice sane Hubby a baby but slightly off kilter gets one? (Not that I don't wish her well and all that, blah blah blah)

Hubby looks at me after than and says "need a beer?". I told him that I needed many! I was proud of myself though, managed not to start crying (I knew if I started it would end up like New Year's Eve and I'd have to go home) and just changed the subject and tried to have a good time. Eventually my friend beer and I got to our happy place and we really did have fun.

Saturday was spent in a pre-agreed upon mostly vegetative state on the couch - perfect since it rained all day. Sunday we got some things done around the yard/garden - oh, and AF came.

I should hear from nurse DA today to get my CD3 appt scheduled and I made sure to tell her that I want to meet with the actual RE this time to discuss my AMH results and see where we should go from here....

Thanks to everyone for their birthday and better cycle wishes! Let's hope for sticky, healthy BFPs all around - that's my birthday wish!

Crappy Birthday to Me....

2010-04-23T08:47:00.000-05:00

I'm sure you all guessed that I got the expected, yet despised, BFN yesterday. I gave it another shot this morning just in case but no dice. I'll be enjoying my fair share (and probably someone else's as well) of adult bevvies at the game tonight.

Don't feel bad for me, I'm certainly used to it! :) I plan to enjoy my birthday (weekend) and move on to the next cycle. Keep your fingers crossed that the baseball game doesn't get rained out tonight, I could use the distraction....

Getting Older

2010-04-21T11:18:00.000-05:00

When we started this journey I was 34 years old. Old enough by TTC standards but it seems so young now. I'll be 37 on Friday, how did that happen? How am I still doing this? I had no illusions that I was going to get pregnant on the first cycle or even quickly necessarily but I thought by now we'd be in a different place. I originally wanted to have a couple of kids (close together obviously because of my age), now I'd be happy with an only child. As time passes my expectations seem to get lower and lower.

I have no doubt that this cycle is a bust too. Most of my IPS went away after the HCG wore off. I was going to test on Friday but I don't think I can handle the BFN as my birthday present. I'll probably break down and get it over with tomorrow. We have baseball tickets for Friday night and I'd love to have a couple of beers to 'celebrate'.

Sorry this post is such a downer - can you tell I've got the Progesterone Crazies going on??? :)

Dreams

2010-04-19T10:33:00.000-05:00

I had one last night, you know what I'm talking about - the BFP dream! In my dream the HPT was so dark at 13 DPO that I was worried. It turned out that I'd been pregnant for a month and didn't know it so I'd been putting all sorts of pollutants into my body while pregnant. Can't I even have a normal, happy BFP dream???

Of course I can't really put much stock in my always vivid dreams. I also dreamed last night that I was the fifth, but lesser known Desperate Housewife but no one on set ever remembered about me. They forgot my wardrobe, my makeup, etc and I felt so rejected I couldn't stop crying. So yeah, it makes it hard to put any real hope into a BFP dream! :)

In gardening news, the cucumbers I started last week are coming up but still nothing from my herbs. Hubby keeps pushing me to get the tomatoes ready to plant outside (you have to gradually introduce them to the outdoors) but we can't really plant them until the middle to end of May so it's still a bit too early. I think he's just excited about the fresh veggies! :)

I have Nothing to say...

2010-04-16T16:48:00.000-05:00

Seriously, nothing. I feel bad because I haven't updated my blog in a few days but there's really nothing to update. I'm right in the middle of my 2ww, the only IPS I'm sporting are thanks to the (stupid f-ing) progesterone.

My big excitement comes from the fact that I've finally managed to pawn off some of my excess tomato plants on my parents and one of our friends. Still another 20 or so up for grabs if you're interested....

Thrilling I know, don't say I didn't warn you! :) Hopefully the weekend will bring some happy excitement into all of our lives!!

Are You Pregnant?

2010-04-13T09:08:00.004-05:00

That's what my boss asked me when we had our weekly catch-up call yesterday. I missed our quarterly meeting last week due to a few reasons which I explained to him as both personal and medical. When they scheduled this meeting I told them there were two days in April I couldn't travel, of course that's when they scheduled it.... Originally one of the reasons I couldn't travel was a customer meeting so I didn't have to make any other excuses but that got postponed.

So what did I blurt out when he asked? "I'm not pregnant but I'll let you know if I ever am!" Oops, couldn't I have just said NO??? Maybe I'm being paranoid but I feel like I just screamed out - We're Trying!! Oh well, guess he'll be less surprised if it ever does happen....

In gardening news I really need to thin out the lettuce and radish seedlings that have come up and I need to start the rest of my seeds. Overall I'm shocked at how well things are going so far. I know we're a long way from getting actual veggies but at least I haven't killed everything yet! :)

Lucky #7

2010-04-11T09:10:00.004-05:00

IUI #7 is done as of Saturday morning. Hubby's numbers were pretty good (for us), around 10+ million with great motility and forward progression. I'm not entirely sure I O'd on Saturday but fortunately Hubs is still home so we were able to get in a couple of old fashioned sessions as well (anyone actually remember those?). I went ahead and put my O day as Saturday in FF and it gave me the due date of 1/1/11. I'd think of that as lucky but my m/c due date was 09/09/09 and that wasn't so lucky....

We were also able to go to a couple of baseball games over the weekend which was fanstastic, mostly because of the weather - not so much the score. Our next game will be on my b-day, which will also be our test date (a week from Friday). At least I'll be able to drown my sorrows in beer and hot dogs and nachos and....

One

2010-04-09T10:14:00.004-05:00

After $500 of meds and multiple shots, I have ONE follie.... I can do that on my own. Guess I shouldn't be surprised after yesterday's results.

Good news is that it's ready to go so we're doing our IUI tomorrow morning. They ordinarily don't like to do IUIs this early in the cycle (tomorrow will be CD9) the RE decided to try it this time. As she put it, we tried to push it out last time and that didn't work (as in BFN) so we'll go ahead this time. I'm glad too, otherwise we would have had to wait until Monday and I probably would have O'd before then.

One last but very important thing, I want to thank everyone for their comments on yesterday's post. I can't tell you how much they all meant to me!! No way could we get through this without each other's support! I can't say that I'm feeling back up to par but at least I've stopped crying.... :)

I really AM broken...

2010-04-08T17:07:00.003-05:00

I was feeling much better today. My rant yesterday helped me get things off my chest and I was feeling a bit of optimism again.

Then I got the call from the RE's office. My AMH is 0.4. That combined with the Antral Follicle Count of three that the RE found the first time she scanned me pretty much leaves my chances at nil.

Here's how one website puts it:

Total number of antral follicles: Less than 4

Expected response to injectable stimulating drugs and chances for IVF success: Extremely low count, very poor (or no) response to stimulation and a cancelled cycle expected. Should consider not attempting IVF at all. Rare pregnancies if IVF attempted.

I can't stop crying.... :(

Cranky Pants

2010-04-07T17:29:00.003-05:00

It's only CD 6 and I'm already feeling frustrated with this cycle. I'm on my third day of stims and still feel nothing. This from the girl who can feel a single follie on a unmedicated cycle up to five days before O.... Well it's still early you may say (and you'd be right...), but not all that early when my last three IUIs have been done on CDs 10 or 11. I should be honest, overstated it a bit. I do feel something - bloated!

Probably doesn't help that I managed to inject myself right in the vein yesterday. Yep, forgot to do that pull the plunger up and look for blood thing. Now my belly looks like a prize fighter's eye. I have also come to realize how spoiled I was last cycle, for the 75iu vials of meds they sent the 29 gauge needles rather than the 27 I'm using now. Yes I realize that in the grand scheme of things 27 is pretty good but like I said, I was spoiled!

It's also raining again. Good for my new seeds in the ground, bad for Mrs. Cranky Pants! Look out everyone, crazy medicated Mel is back....

Lots of Updates

2010-04-06T12:46:00.004-05:00

Yesterday wasn't so good for our team but we had a great time. We'll be heading back to the ballpark Saturday and Sunday so maybe our guys will have a bit better luck over the weekend.

Nurse DA did call while we were at the game, I'm supposed to do 75 iu of Gonal-F through my next appointment on Friday. Seems like really low dose for an injectible cycle. I don't know if it's because it's my first full injectible cycle or if Nurse DA forgot to ask the doc and decided that 75 would be safe.... :) On a good note I talked to her today and she had most of my b/w numbers. Everything looks good so far: FSH - 6.9 & E2 - 42.4. Unfortunately my first FSH was 9.2 and they always go with the highest number which is why she marked me as DOR on my checkout sheet yesterday - that one hurt! 9.2 isn't even that bad.... In case you're not up on what all the numbers mean, this is a great site: http://www.fertilityplus.org/faq/hormonelevels.html.

From a gardening standpoint, we got a lot done this weekend. We tilled up the garden and added the supplements (compost, manure & coffee grounds), put down the weed barrier, and planted our radishes, lettuces and peas. Our indoor seedlings are doing great, especially my tomatoes (anyone need some?). We also got some more trays to start the next round of seeds (watermelon, canteloupe, cucumber and herbs). Our neighbor volunteered her kids for weeding in exchange for some veggies, she wants to teach them about where food comes from and who am I to stand in the way of a lesson - and free weeding! :)

Opening Day!

2010-04-05T11:48:00.003-05:00

Hubby and I are huge baseball fans and today is Opening Day for our favorite team. Baseball to us signals summer and warmth and grilling outside and beer and nachos and well basically, America. Growing up I remember listening to our team on the radio as Dad grilled in the back yard and as we ate dinner and Hubby & I have continued that tradition. We are also season ticket holders, though only a partial package both because 81 home games = A LOT of baseball and because of Hubby's travel schedule. But even with our partial package we get Opening Day seats.

Since AF came on Friday I'm going to look at the bright side and rejoice in the fact that I can drink some beers and eat ballpark crap to my heart's content. I'll be leaving within the hour to head to the game, can you tell I'm excited???

Something not as exciting - my RE appointment today. When I talked to the nurse on Friday she told me to go to the lab first to get my b/w done then to the office for my u/s. I showed up to the lab and Nurse Dumbass had forgotten to put the orders in for my labs.... So I had to wait until she was done with her patient so the b/w nurse could verify what tests needed to be run (AMH, FSH & E2). Once that was done I got my u/s (all clear) and had my sit down w/Nurse Dumbass. She (shockingly) still hadn't talked to the doctor about my dosage so she's supposed to call later w/that. I told her she'd need to leave a message because I'd be at the ballgame....

She's Here! - Updated

2010-04-02T12:19:00.009-05:00

Never thought I'd be so happy to see that nasty biotch show, but AF is here! That lets me check off at least number one, possibly number two of my List of Assumptions. So far, so good.

UPDATE: My RE's nurse makes me crazy. When AF came last time I called to let them know that we were taking a break for that cycle and then we'd do two more IUIs before doing an IVF consult. I told her we wanted to be aggressive with these last two IUIs and do injectibles only. Fast forward to this afternoon when she called me back -

"We'll have you come in Monday for your baseline scan and you can start the Femara then." Umm, what? So I went through the whole thing with her again and she starts to remember (or at least look at my chart). "Was I supposed to talk to Dr. B about this?" Well, I'd think you were supposed to talk to whomever comes up with the protocol. "Okay, we can figure out how much you'll need to do on Monday" Umm, I need to order the meds today so I can get them here by Monday. Finally she opted to call in 450 of Gonal-F and the Ovidrel trigger to the online pharmacy so I can at least get things here to begin on time.

So, Monday I go in for bloodwork (AMH) and my baseline scan and I'll find out how much juice to inject then - assuming she remembers to find out....

In the mean time, one of the blogs I follow is trying to encourage those of us in IF land to share our stories with each other via a Blog Hop. Here's how to participate:

Support and be supported!!

My furbabies!

2010-04-01T11:26:00.001-05:00

So if you knew me at all IRL you'd get an earful of me talking about my dogs. They are our spoiled rotten babies and we love them something stupid! It's hard to believe I'm just now getting around to talking about them!

We have three dogs running our household. They're all lab mixes of varying degrees of lab and mix. I'll refer to them by their household nicknames rather than their actual names for anonymity's sake.

First is the Old Man - he's my dog from college and he's 15+ years old and about 70 lbs. He's also referred to as the cranky old man, but he loves Hubby & I and in his old age has learned to tolerated others.... He's having a hard time getting up and walking lately and I'm really dreading the inevitable. When we had to put our older dog to sleep it was horrible! But I try not to let myself focus on that....

Second is Big - she's about 4.5 yrs old and 90 lbs (hence the nickname Big). She's a big, lazy sweet pea who would be happiest if someone was constantly petting her. She especially loves having her paws rubbed (very weird for a dog to like that) and though we don't encourage this she's figured out that our parents will sit down and immediately start rubbing her paws even if we won't. She hates to be alone and tends to hear things that go bump in the night if she's not with us.

Last but certainly not least is Little - she's just over 1 yr old and about 50 lbs (which in any other household would probably be big, but not in ours). She has two complete opposite sides to her personality. She jumps over the couch and over the fence - which makes us insane and we keep trying new things to keep her exploring nature in the yard to no avail yet. She has tons of energy at times then other times she just wants to curl up behind my legs and nap. When Hubby is gone she sleeps on the bed and likes to be so close to me that she ends up using me as a pillow. Serious cuddle bug and serious crazy, we just hope it will ease up a bit with age - at least the crazy part!

Big and Little are collectively referred to as 'The Girls'. They're all adopted from various shelters - we're huge advocates of adopting animals! We also sometimes feel like we're trying to single-handedly give all the black dogs in our area a home. Black dogs (and cats) are the last to be adopted, people tend to think of them as aggressive (or in the case of cats - bad luck). In fact, Little's brother and sister are still at the shelter where we got her.... :(

ON SOAPBOX: Please do your research and adopt a pet! You can find tons of full breed dogs and cats at a shelter or rescue organization if that's what you prefer. OFF SOAPBOX :)

So these are my furbabies. Someday they'll have a people brother or sister to protect and play with. Until then, they're what helps keep me sane through TTC and Hubby's travel. Oh, and please send AF my way so we can get started on getting them that sibling! :)

Scheduling Nightmares

2010-03-31T10:37:00.005-05:00

Going on a TTC/ART rant, be warned!

For those of you who don't know, Hubby has a job where he leaves on Monday morning to go to NYC and comes home either Thursday night or Friday afternoon - every week.... I also have a job where I have to travel but mine is much more sporadic and I can have a bit more control over whether I travel or do things remotely.

All this means we need to be able to plan out when our treatments are going to happen. Anyone who's been through this knows that any timing you're counting on is going to become a huge cosmic joke! Hubby asked me today when our next set of appointments will be. Umm..., I have no idea.

Here is our set of assumptions:
1.) I get AF tomorrow or Friday...
2.) I get my meds on time (depends on #1)...
3.) I stim for the same number of days as when I took Femara or the Hybrid cycle...
4.) I respond to an injectible cycle as quickly as I did to the Femara or Hybrid cycles...

If all of those things happen (yeah right) then we'll probably do IUI #7 on Sunday, April 11th or Monday, April 12th. That would mean Hubby would only have to leave one day late for work. Unfortunately I can't promise (or even expect) for all of those assumptions to come true so I have to ask him if he can work from home that entire week, and there's still no guarantee it will even happen then. I've blocked my calendar for travel but it's easier for me. Hubby also has a co-worker going through the same thing, hopefully he won't have to stay home that same week!

This sucks - it shouldn't be this hard. Having this month off really made us appreciate not have to go through the exercise of having to arrange our schedules for this whole stupid process. Going through treatments is grueling enough, having to change our whole lives to do it is just ridiculous. Can't we just get a sticky pregnancy already???

On a positive note, look what Hubby sent me yesterday to help me feel better:

Back to the land of the living...

2010-03-30T09:29:00.003-05:00

Our house is germy. I seriously need to go buy some Lysol. But we seemed to have turned a corner which is good.

Let me catch you up since I haven't posted in a while. Last Wednesday I flew up to NYC to have a birthday dinner w/Hubby (okay, really it was for work but the timing was great). We had dinner at Basso56 which is close to his apartment and ended up very happy with our experience there! Had to drive into central Jersey on Thursday for a meeting and was back in the city with enough time to get some cupcakes from Magnolia bakery which is across the street from Hubby's building. That was the beginning of the end.

Hubby and I were on the same flight back home which was great but he wasn't feeling good - and he, like most men, doesn't do sick quietly. He ended up being sick all weekend (cold, flu, something like that) then on Sunday morning - it got me too! Yesterday was miserable, I ached all over and those of you who chart stalk me might have noticed the fever induced temp spike yesterday morning. Ugh! I woke up today and couldn't breathe but other than that I feel much better, like I'm back in the land of the living.

On a gardening note, the seeds I started are indoors so they're protected from the elements at the moment. We're hoping to turn the soil in the garden on Friday and will probably start our lettuces, radishes and peas then since they like cooler weather. The tomatoes, broccoli and cauliflower that we started inside are all getting true leaves, so far so good there. My petunias have also started coming up very slowly. Any gardening tips are welcome! :)

On a TTC note nothing too much to report. I am having more creamy CM than normal but I'm not getting too excited about that since my chances are so low this cycle for several reasons. If for some reason AF is late (I should start on Thursday if I have my typical 13 day LP) I'll plan to test on Friday if my temp is still up. Usually I would have totally POAS by now but between my chances and being sick, I haven't felt the urge. Yay for small favors!

Can I at least grow something....

2010-03-21T16:09:00.004-05:00

So Hubby and I decided last year we were going to put in a vegetable garden this year. We built the bed last summer (ok, we paid someone to put it in along with a bunch of other landscaping work we had done) and it's been waiting for us to fill it with yumminess since then.

As I mentioned in my last post it's been a big crap-fest of a winter so it's been giving us something to look forward to and we might have gone a bit overboard on the seed ordering. Yes, you read that right - we're attempting to grow our garden from seeds. Let me just put this out there, I do NOT have a green thumb. I can keep plants alive indoors as long as they're pretty hearty but outside has not been kind to me.

But we're giving it the old college try. Last weekend we(I) planted heirloom tomatoes, pear tomatoes, grape tomatoes, broccoli, cauliflower and two kinds of flowers - petunias and 4 o'clocks. As of today everything but the petunias has come up and I've had to transplant all the types of veggies (and yes I'm lumping tomatoes in w/veggies...) into larger pots yesterday. I don't think they're loving it too much after the transplantation. They're a bit droopy and sad at the moment.

I think we'll be planting the peas, lettuces and radishes outside in the next couple of weeks. It would have been this upcoming weekend but the snow melt from the weekend storm has created a full swamp at the moment.

Wish me luck.... If I can't grow a baby hopefully I can at least grow some produce. Ha!

Are you sure it's Spring?

2010-03-21T15:50:00.002-05:00

I's been a rough winter here in the Midwest. We've had snowstorm after snowstorm and way too many days of freezing cold temperatures.... I'm over it. Apparently Mother Nature does not agree because we got about 9 inches of snow over the weekend. UGH! Fortunately I was able to pretty much hibernate all weekend. Hubby is in Vegas for his yearly March Madness trip so the doggies and I did next to nothing other than nap and read (well, I did the reading...) and watch crappy TV. I don't love him being away for a weekend, especially since I don't get to see him during the week, but having an occasional complete veg out weekend is kind of nice.

I also found out late last week that I'll actually get to spend Hubby's b-day with him (this coming Wednesday). I have to go up to NJ to interview someone for a position I have open so I'm going to stay in NYC with Hubs and take him out to dinner for his birthday! Very excited and something positive to look forward to!

On the TTC front there's not much to report. I O'd on Thursday so there's not a great chance this month (not that there would have been anyway...) since the last time hubby and I were 'together' was Monday morning before he left. FF gives me a 'low' on my Intercourse Timing. :)

Those are my musings for today!

Happy Birthday, Mom!!

2010-03-17T10:40:00.003-05:00

Today is my mom's birthday! That's right, she's a St. Patty's Day baby. :) Because of this we've developed a tradition (at her request) of me making Corned Beef and Cabbage and having the family over for dinner. So tonight I'll be making dinner for Mom, Dad and my mom's sister. My bro and SIL are working and can't make it so I'm making extra so they come over tomorrow night for leftovers. We've had a problem in the past of not having leftovers (yeah, we love our yearly corned beef) so I'm actually making two corned beefs totally around 5 lbs. If the four of us eat all that tonight.... Well, I don't even want to think about that.

Since O hasn't bothered to show yet (which means our chances are almost nil this month) I'll also be enjoying a nice, cold Smithwick's. Mmmm, Irish beer! Might as well enjoy med free March!!

Can't imagine that anyone cares about my ramblings but it's my blog and I'll ramble if I want to! :) Happy St. Patrick's Day!!

I want to be happy for them...

2010-03-16T11:09:00.003-05:00

I've been holding off on posting this because I'm going to come across as a horrible person. I'm hoping anyone reading this will understand because they've been through IF hell as well....

DH told me last weekend that BIL/SIL are pregnant with twins. They went through the same procedure we did last time (hybrid IUI) but for them, it worked. That's the part that makes me the most sad - why them and not us? I'm glad they're pregnant and all (they've been through IF treatments as well, though not as many nor as long) but when is it our turn?

My other SIL is also trying to get pregnant so it's just a matter of time before that news comes my way (I figure all three siblings can't have IF so she'll be quick). We're the oldest and will likely be the last to provide a grandchild, guess we should have started earlier but it just wasn't the right time.... Joke's on us I guess, not like now seems to be the right time either.

So that's my Debbie Downer post for today. I'll try to have something a little more upbeat next time!

March Anti-Madness

2010-03-15T15:40:00.002-05:00

That's what I'm calling this month since I'm going med free for the first time since November. I never really had any side effects from the Femara (or even from adding some Gonal-F last cycle) but the progesterone after the IUIs really made me a crazy person. So even though I'm less than thrilled that I won't be seeing my DH for almost two weeks since he's going to Vegas next weekend w/the boys, I'm trying to embrace a month with nothing to make me crazy but my own natural hormones.

One thing I had forgotten however is that it's a lot of work to track your cycles yourself without the aid of ultrasounds and IUIs. I keep forgetting to temp because I've gotten out of the habit. I have been using my monitor and OPKs (though I haven't really been holding it long enough to get a clear idea until today). I'm hoping I O within the next day or so since this morning was our last shot. Not that I'm holding out much hope anyway - if I can't get a BFP w/a couple of follies and swimmers in the right place I don't know why I'd expect to get one naturally....

So there you go, that's my natural crazy coming through! :)

Melology

2010-03-08T19:23:00.000-06:00

Saw this on several other blogs I follow and thought it would be a good way to get to know me! :)

Rules: YOU! Yes, you, reading this. You're tagged. Now that you know more about me than you ever wanted to know, play the game, it's fun! Let others know a little more about yourself, repost this as your name followedy by "ology."

FOODOLOGY:

What is your salad dressing of choice? Garlic Ranch from my favorite pizza place.
What is your favorite sit-down restuarant? Too many to name, we love going out to eat
What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Probably Wendy's - mmm, Spicy Chicken Sandwich
What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Pizza or possibly Mexican
What are your pizza toppings of choice? Pepperoni & Mushrooms or just Cheese
How many televisions are in your house? Three
What color cell phone do you have? Gray, is it sad that I had to get up and look to see what color my blackberry is?

BIOLOGY:
Are you right-handed or left-handed? Right
Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Just teeth
Have you ever been knocked unconscious? No
Have you ever fainted? Yes, the first time I gave blood

BULLCRAPOLOGY:
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? No chance.
If you could change your name, what would you change it to? I'm pretty okay with mine.
How many pairs of flip flops do you own? Between 10 and 20?
Last person you talked to? My DH

FAVORITOLOGY:
Season? Spring
Holiday? Thanksgiving
Day of the week? Saturday
Month? May
Color? Blue
Drink? Cherry 7-up
Alcoholic? Depending on my mood either Wine/Champagne or Beer

CURRENTOLOGY:
Missing someone? My brother, he's always busy.
What are you listening to? Whatever comes up when shuffling through my iPod.
What are you watching? I seem to be in a medical drama phase (House, Bones, Grey's Anatomy)
Worrying about? IF, my oldest dog
What's the last movie you saw? Julie & Julia
Do you smile often? I do!
If you could change your eye color what would it be? Green might be nice but I'm okay with the blue.
What's on your wish list for your birthday? Aside from a sticky BFP, not much.
Can you do a chin-up? I sincerely doubt it!
Does the future make you more nervous or excited? Yes. :)
Have you been in a car wreck? Yes
Have you caused a car wreck? Not unless you count bumping another car going 5 mph around a corner.
Do you have an accent? No, one of the benefits of being a Midwesterner
Last time you cried? Last Week
Plans tonight? Watching TV, maybe a little reading.
Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? At least close.
Name three things you bought yesterday? Breakfast, dog food, I think that's it (other than a donation to a pet telethon)
Have you met someone who changed your life? My DH
For the better or worse? Definitely better
How did you bring in the New Year? Had a mental IF breakdown and had to come home early.
Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Probably.
What songs do you sing in the shower? I don't sing in the shower, just the car.
Have you held hands with someone today? Not unless you count a paw.
Who was the last person you took a picture of? Though they only think they're people, the dogs.
Are most of the friends in your life new or old? Old
Do you like pulpy orange juice? Yes
Last time you ate peanut butter and jelly? Last week, mmm.
What were you doing at 12 a.m. last night? Sleeping
What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? It's too early, I'm going back to sleep...

In the Beginning...

2010-03-04T18:16:00.001-06:00

So I've decided to just jump in and start a blog myself since I enjoy reading those of my friends so much. We'll see how exciting this is and if I'll even decide to publish the fact that I'm doing this.

As you might have guessed by the title of my blog, this is about my fight with IF but I'm sure you'll find I'm broken in lots of ways. :)

Hubby & I have been trying to have a baby since February 2008. It all started with a possible job change and a realization that if we're going to do this, it needed to be now. Maybe I'll save that story for a day when I'm struggling to write something, it's not all that interesting anyway....

We somehow managed (apparently miraculously) to get pregnant on our own in December of 2008 but that obviously didn't work out. Since then we've had three unmedicated IUIs, two IUIs using Femara and one hybrid IUI using Femara and Gonal-F (for those of you that are math challenged, yes that's SIX). Again, that obviously hasn't worked out either.

That's all I feel like sharing for now but I'm sure you'll learn more about me than you care to if you follow along. Oh, and Welcome!!